Tri-Series: Top 5 Reasons Why India"s Batsmen Failed Against NZ
India lost by 200 runs to New Zealand in the tri-series opener at Dambulla on Tuesday.
While to some people I know, this may not strike as surprising, used as they might be to seeing it happening again and again over the years, to me this is nothing less than a scandal and an act of treachery against cricket mad Indian fans.
To Indians, these men are not just players, but gods descended from heaven who have donned cricket uniforms to entertain the faithful.
And gods can do no wrong, at least until they lose a match.
Then, all hell breaks lose.
Then, it's time to burn the effigies of these gods whose feet are made of clay.
And if you are not a cricket fan, this is also a good time to pay a visit to the stock market and begin to hoard stocks of effigy manufacturing companies, so you can cash in on the coming boom.
But then, inexplicably, the Indian team wins the next day, and all the effigy manufacturers file for bankruptcy.
So, as you can see, the Indian team functions much like an economic cycle, boom one day, bust the next, till the next boom, followed by the next bust, and so on.
Getting back to the subject of the match against New Zealand, I set up a high-level enquiry committee to find out the five most important reasons why a team that prides itself on its batting and plans to win ICC World Cup 2011, collapsed in a heap for 88 runs.
Here are the top 5 reasons, according to the committee's findings, presented in reverse order: Reason # 5 Dhoni wanted to secure the mathematical law of averages in India's favour, just in case India go on to meet New Zealand in the finals.
Reason # 4 New Zealand have the best bowlers in the world, in Mills and Oram.
They have not revealed this secret so far because they want to surprise everyone at ICC World Cup 2011.
Reason # 3 Dhoni feels he is being pampered too much.
He is tired of being a successful captain.
He wants to have some variety by losing some matches.
Reason # 2 Wicket keeper, Hopkins, sledged the Indian batsmen by going on repeating the only sentence he knew in the Hindi language, "Main tere bachche ki maa banne wali hoon"...
And the Reason #1 for India's horrendous loss is: my webmaster bet $100,000 on the match being won or lost by 200 runs exactly, and made a phone call to Dhoni, saying, "Tumhari maa hamare kabze mein hai.
"
While to some people I know, this may not strike as surprising, used as they might be to seeing it happening again and again over the years, to me this is nothing less than a scandal and an act of treachery against cricket mad Indian fans.
To Indians, these men are not just players, but gods descended from heaven who have donned cricket uniforms to entertain the faithful.
And gods can do no wrong, at least until they lose a match.
Then, all hell breaks lose.
Then, it's time to burn the effigies of these gods whose feet are made of clay.
And if you are not a cricket fan, this is also a good time to pay a visit to the stock market and begin to hoard stocks of effigy manufacturing companies, so you can cash in on the coming boom.
But then, inexplicably, the Indian team wins the next day, and all the effigy manufacturers file for bankruptcy.
So, as you can see, the Indian team functions much like an economic cycle, boom one day, bust the next, till the next boom, followed by the next bust, and so on.
Getting back to the subject of the match against New Zealand, I set up a high-level enquiry committee to find out the five most important reasons why a team that prides itself on its batting and plans to win ICC World Cup 2011, collapsed in a heap for 88 runs.
Here are the top 5 reasons, according to the committee's findings, presented in reverse order: Reason # 5 Dhoni wanted to secure the mathematical law of averages in India's favour, just in case India go on to meet New Zealand in the finals.
Reason # 4 New Zealand have the best bowlers in the world, in Mills and Oram.
They have not revealed this secret so far because they want to surprise everyone at ICC World Cup 2011.
Reason # 3 Dhoni feels he is being pampered too much.
He is tired of being a successful captain.
He wants to have some variety by losing some matches.
Reason # 2 Wicket keeper, Hopkins, sledged the Indian batsmen by going on repeating the only sentence he knew in the Hindi language, "Main tere bachche ki maa banne wali hoon"...
And the Reason #1 for India's horrendous loss is: my webmaster bet $100,000 on the match being won or lost by 200 runs exactly, and made a phone call to Dhoni, saying, "Tumhari maa hamare kabze mein hai.
"
Source...