I do not know if it is really possible to measure the costs of parenthood.
There are financial figures floating around out there in the media that supposedly measure the cost of raising a child through college.
The financial cost can look quite daunting.
Diapers, food, clothing, birthdays, Christmas, textbooks, extra-curricular activities, college, ad infinitum.
The financial cost adds up quickly indeed! Our educational system and present-day media make feeble attempts at best to cover the additional, or hidden, costs to parents of 'parenthood' - that life-long process of actually being a parent.
These hidden costs boil down to extreme commitment and personal sacrifice.
These areas are glossed-over because they are troubling subjects in our modern society.
'Commitment' is a temporary state-of-being in our modern world.
It is good for today, but not so much for tomorrow.
Personal sacrifice is portrayed as little more than a temporary inconvenience, not something that is long-term (certainly not life-long!).
Let's look at commitment...
In terms of marriage and family, my idea of commitment is a promise made for life.
It is a life-long obligation that necessarily puts the other person first.
Personal lusts and desires should no longer be a priority.
(But no one wants to hear that).
I will freely admit that I may be in the minority on this, but I believe that honor and virtue are necessary components of a strong personal moral inventory.
Parenthood begins with the life-long commitment to your spouse.
Parenthood ends with the life-long commitment to your child.
This is honorable and virtuous! Commitment is not a 'maybe' or  "I will do my best today".
It is "I commit to you for life - in sickness and in health, for better or for worse".
It is all the way through 'thick and thin'.
This commitment extends to your spouse and your child each and every day.
I know that there are a lot of committed couples and parents out there.
Well, maybe not a lot...
It seems that we are bombarded almost daily with another politician or entertainer (or whoever the media looks up to) that views honor and virtue as secondary to personal wants, lusts and desires.
Our youth are being led to believe that honor and virtue do not exist.
Commitment is a thing of the past.
But what child out there does not want his mommy and daddy to stay together? To be happy in their relationship? To see positive give and take in their parents' relationship? To see mommy and daddy take romancing each other seriously? To see commitment played out in the lives of their parents? What child out there does not want to know and feel that each parent is committed to him or her? That nothing gets in the way of the parent-child relationship? Not other people or relationships...
Not necessary discipline...
Not work or career...
Not friends...
Not golf...
Children want and crave parental commitment! Children want and need to know that their parents will be there for them each and every day...
Through thick and thin.
That is parental commitment.
That is parenthood.
(This cannot happen when daddy is cheating on mommy or vice versa!) These are links in a chain.
If one link is broken, then the chain that is parenthood is broken.
And what about personal sacrifice??? I had a father tell me the other day that sometimes a certain amount of personal sacrifice is a part of parenting.
Sometimes? He was telling me how hard it was to give up his standing Saturday game of golf because it was his son's birthday.
How many Saturdays does this man put his spouse and child second to his personal satisfaction? Parenthood is all about personal sacrifice (on a daily basis).
It is all about putting the needs of your spouse and child first.
It is all about losing sleep to feed and care for an infant.
It is all about being actively engaged in your spouse's and your child's life.
It is all about making the personal sacrifices necessary in order to communicate to your spouse and child that they are the most important people in your life! They take center stage.
They are your reason for being.
Personal sacrifice is the daily communication through words and actions that your family means everything to you.
Personal sacrifice in parenthood is not a 'sometimes' thing.
It is an everyday thing.
I know I am setting the bar very high when it comes to these issues.
But shouldn't we be setting the bar high? Shouldn't we be working to make sure that our spouse and child know that they are the most important elements of our life? 'Baby Think-It-Over' At the residential facility I work at we instituted a program called 'Baby Think-It-Over' a number of years ago.
This program is similar to the popular educational initiative of having children care for an egg for a weekend or a week.
In the egg program, a child must care for his 'egg'.
He or she takes it everywhere they go.
They even have to sleep with it.
The purpose of this exercise is to demonstrate first-hand the commitment and personal sacrifice necessary to care for an infant.
The 'Baby-Think-It-Over- program is much the same, only it utilizes a doll that cries when it wants to be fed or has a dirty diaper or wants attention.
Children in the facility are given this 'baby' for a period of 3-7 days and must care for the baby.
They must see to the baby's needs in order to get the 'baby' to stop crying.
The dolls are programmed to cry at different times, night or day.
So the kids lose sleep, take the baby to school, feed the baby...
In essence, they become parents for a few days.
They get to experience the 'joys' of caring for an infant.
I highly recommend these types of programs.
Anything that gets a young teen to stop and think before having a child is critical.
But the major flaw in these programs is that they are temporary.
The young person may have their life totally disrupted for a few days, but this will end.
Eventually they are released from the program and can go back to their normal life.
(And the large majority of teens are more than ready to resume their normal life without their 'baby' around).
In real life, having a baby is not a temporary thing.
You don't get to take the child back to the store when caring for 'it' becomes too much.
It is permanent, not temporary! It is all about commitment and personal sacrifice.
Parenthood with true commitment and personal sacrifice is hard work.
It demands our very best.
Why would anyone choose to do this alone? Take great care in choosing a spouse.
Be mature enough to make that commitment for life.
And don't have a baby just because you want one.
Be mature enough to know when you are ready to handle the necessary commitment and sacrifice.
If you do this when you are ready, you will experience the greatest adventure life has to offer! The absolute greatest adventure! Make honor and virtue come alive in your parenting!