4 Reasons Why Punishing Your Teen When You Are Angry Doesn"t Work
Quick Links:All Discipline and Teens Resources | Quiz: Is your teen a slacker?
Feeling angry is a normal response to poor and disrespectful behavior from your child or teen. As parents, we don't like it. But your feelings are difficult to control when your child is telling you that they hate you or is pushing your buttons on purpose some other way. As a matter of fact, you may not be able to control the feeling, but you can control your behavior.
That is an important distinction.
You should allow yourself to feel your feelings, even if you are angry. You're human! But wait until you've calmed down to address whatever issues you and your child or teen are having. Here are four reasons why punishing your teen when you are angry doesn't work:
Reason #1:Consequences thrown at kids and teens when we are angry are met with resentment, are often not logical and can cause us to feel guilty. Parents tend to take them back, rightfully so. Therefore, they end up being useless as a parenting tool.
Reason #2: Anger replaces focus of whatever parenting you were trying to do. So the good that could come out of the situation gets lost in a mix of hurt feelings.
Reason #3: Reacting to your child or teen's behavior when you are angry will cause you to act poorly. For instance, if you go to pick up your teen at the movie theater and you see them smoking. Getting out of the car and yelling at them full volume in public because it made you so angry isn't going to stop them from smoking.
Reason #4: If you act on your angry feelings you will allow yourself to use your feelings as an excuse for your poor behavior. As parents, we are also growing as people. This kind of behavior will slow your own personal growth, plus it isn't good behavior modeling.
Quick Links:All Discipline and Teens Resources | Quiz: Is your teen a slacker?
Feeling angry is a normal response to poor and disrespectful behavior from your child or teen. As parents, we don't like it. But your feelings are difficult to control when your child is telling you that they hate you or is pushing your buttons on purpose some other way. As a matter of fact, you may not be able to control the feeling, but you can control your behavior.
That is an important distinction.
You should allow yourself to feel your feelings, even if you are angry. You're human! But wait until you've calmed down to address whatever issues you and your child or teen are having. Here are four reasons why punishing your teen when you are angry doesn't work:
Reason #1:Consequences thrown at kids and teens when we are angry are met with resentment, are often not logical and can cause us to feel guilty. Parents tend to take them back, rightfully so. Therefore, they end up being useless as a parenting tool.
Reason #2: Anger replaces focus of whatever parenting you were trying to do. So the good that could come out of the situation gets lost in a mix of hurt feelings.
Reason #3: Reacting to your child or teen's behavior when you are angry will cause you to act poorly. For instance, if you go to pick up your teen at the movie theater and you see them smoking. Getting out of the car and yelling at them full volume in public because it made you so angry isn't going to stop them from smoking.
Reason #4: If you act on your angry feelings you will allow yourself to use your feelings as an excuse for your poor behavior. As parents, we are also growing as people. This kind of behavior will slow your own personal growth, plus it isn't good behavior modeling.
Quick Links:All Discipline and Teens Resources | Quiz: Is your teen a slacker?
Source...