Relationships are difficult to repair after an affair.  The trust in the relationship, the most important element, is broken.     Nearly all relationships can survive an affair but you are going to have a lot of work to do to succeed.

Before doing anything else, decide once and for all to stop having illicit arrangements.  You can't continue to carry on cheating on your partner as you have been if you are serious about wanting to make your relationship work.  If you can't accept this, then you are wasting you partner's and your own time.  If you can, read on.    You may find some useful ideas to help you repair your relationship.

Start by owning up to your affair.  Trust is an essential part of any relationship and it cannot exist when one of the partners is not telling the other the truth to the other.  Not telling is simply lying by omission, so you must tell your partner, knowing they are going to be hurt by what you have done.

If you don't tell them now, it is almost certain that they will find out later and the pain will be worse.  If you keep your affair a secret you will be sure that the relationship will not survive when it ultimately comes to light.

You now have to take the blame for what you have done.  Don't try and find excuses for your behavior, as relationships will not survive if you try to blame your partner.  Don't forget that it was you who had the relationship.

Next you have to apologize, so make a complete admission and sincere apology.  You must be certain that your partner knows that you regret your past actions and are truly repentant for what you have done.

After this you must give your partner the time she needs to get over what you have done.  What you have done is going to hurt them.  Don't try and rush them into forgiving you more rapidly; they will fix the time they need, so give it to them.   Be available to them when they are ready.  Rushing things will only serve to push them further away.

The relationship is bound to be different after an affair.  Try to imagine that the affair is starting again from nothing. It is going to take sometime before you win back the trust of your partner.

After an affair, the relationship is going to be different. The best thing you can do is to look at it as if you are starting the relationship all over again. You're going to need to win back their trust, and this is a process that is going to take some time.

There are numerous and varied resources that you can use to mend your relationship.  Difficult though it may be to accept that you need help, you may find that this is the best relationship move you could make.

Joe Bisley

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