Caregiver Guilt: How to Overcome It and Build a Network to Help
Caregiver Guilt: How to Overcome It and Build a Network to Help
You can’t feel guilty for things that are out of your control. Your help is finite. Remember that. For example, you might think it's your fault if the person you're caring for is suffering.
"It's as if you're supposed to almost magically make that person happy," Jacobs says. "But sometimes they're not going to be happy or feel better. That's life. That's reality."
So if you can’t control what’s making you feel bad, instead look at why.
"It's important to separate feeling negatively toward caregiving vs. feeling negatively toward the person you're doing the caregiving for," Jacobs says. "I'm allowed to hate the act but still feel OK about the commitment I made."
And try to remember that you're being a huge help -- but that help should be balanced. You’ll feel much better if you also pay attention to your family, social life, and other activities.
Internist Cathy Alessi, MD, president of the American Geriatrics Society, says when caregivers come in with her patients, she lets them know what an impact they've had.
"I make sure to tell them what a difference I've seen since they've been helping the person they've been caring for," she says. "The situation doesn't have to be perfect, and it's probably much better with their help and assistance."
She suggests finding caregiver support groups, online information, or therapists.
"Caregivers tell me it's helpful to talk with someone else who is going through a similar experience. It's helpful to get tips, and the group can come up with ideas you may not think of yourself."
Overcoming Caregiver's Guilt
Balance and Emotion
You can’t feel guilty for things that are out of your control. Your help is finite. Remember that. For example, you might think it's your fault if the person you're caring for is suffering.
"It's as if you're supposed to almost magically make that person happy," Jacobs says. "But sometimes they're not going to be happy or feel better. That's life. That's reality."
So if you can’t control what’s making you feel bad, instead look at why.
"It's important to separate feeling negatively toward caregiving vs. feeling negatively toward the person you're doing the caregiving for," Jacobs says. "I'm allowed to hate the act but still feel OK about the commitment I made."
And try to remember that you're being a huge help -- but that help should be balanced. You’ll feel much better if you also pay attention to your family, social life, and other activities.
Internist Cathy Alessi, MD, president of the American Geriatrics Society, says when caregivers come in with her patients, she lets them know what an impact they've had.
"I make sure to tell them what a difference I've seen since they've been helping the person they've been caring for," she says. "The situation doesn't have to be perfect, and it's probably much better with their help and assistance."
She suggests finding caregiver support groups, online information, or therapists.
"Caregivers tell me it's helpful to talk with someone else who is going through a similar experience. It's helpful to get tips, and the group can come up with ideas you may not think of yourself."
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