Secrets to Help Those You Love Open Up (Part 1): Active Listening
The ability to listen well is perhaps the most important skill we've lost in creating good conversation in today's culture.
Many things break down when good listening disappears, but none ranks in importance like creating meaningful interaction with those you love.
Becoming a person who is attentive to what a family member expresses creates quick progress for dynamic conversation in your home, and these abilities are easy to learn! One of the most important habits that creates meaningful discussion is the skill of active listening.
Here are 3 tips to develop your ability to be a great listener: Pay Attention to Your Nonverbals An active listener understands the importance of things like eye contact, body language, and gestures that encourage the child or partner to continue (things like heads nods, comments like "really?", "tell me more," etc.
).
If you desire to create vibrant conversation at home, plan to be fully present physically and mentally.
Do you know that experts estimate that up to 90% of the meaning that we get from communication comes from nonverbal aspects like those mentioned above? This fact reminds us of the incredibly important messages that we send to our family that don't come in words that can either open up dialog or shut it down.
For example, what message does it give when your child talks and you respond to text messages from your phone? On the flipside, what does it say to your son when you turn away from the computer, lean toward him, and give your full attention? A great habit to develop is the ability to "listen with your eyes".
To give perspective, consider what you want when you have something important to share with someone.
This offers a very clear guide for what to give those we love if we desire meaningful interaction.
If you share something important, would you want the other person to be distracted by tv or Facebook? Would you want them to be working on tasks around the house while you try to interact? Or would you want them to give you their full attention? What would make you feel the conversation really matters? Provide these things for your child or partner and watch the connection grow.
Offer Feedback Active listening also provides feedback to be sure you are hearing well.
You may ask your child something like, "So, it sounds like you feel that your teacher is playing favorites.
Is that right?" or ask your spouse, "What I'm hearing you say is you feel stuck in your work and think it may be time to look for another position?" Questions like these offer the other person a chance either to confirm you've got it (which makes them feel cared for and heard) or to clarify what they want to express.
It's important to know that, when you listen and mirror back what you hear, it doesn't mean you agree with what is expressed! Feedback simply provides a powerful tool to help your child or partner feel that you have heard them out and you care about what they have to say.
Being heard and understood creates another brick in the foundation of powerful family interaction.
Listen to Understand A great communicator develops the ability to set aside his personal agenda (at least temporarily) for the sake of the other.
The entire focus is to understand what your partner expresses.
Seek to be aware of what is happening in you when the other person is talking.
Are you daydreaming? Are you thinking about the grocery list? A common trap that sabotages good listening is thinking about the reply you will to make to what the other expresses.
There is a big difference between listening to understand and listening to respond.
Author Steven Beebe says, "Listening boils down to this: You are either on task or you are off task.
" You know you are growing as an effective listener when you are able to fully say what your loved one expresses and they feel completely heard.
You will be amazed at the openness that develops when those you love have confidence they will be heard out.
Take Action In closing, consider the power of this approach to effective interactions offered by Gen.
George Marshall in Bits and Pieces: 1.
Listen to the other person's story.
2.
Listen to the other person's full story.
3.
Listen to the other person's full story first.
These communication skills are easily learnable and have powerful influence on meaningful conversation in your home.
Let me encourage you to identify one of the abilities above and begin to practice today.
How might your family dynamic change when you take that kind of action?
Many things break down when good listening disappears, but none ranks in importance like creating meaningful interaction with those you love.
Becoming a person who is attentive to what a family member expresses creates quick progress for dynamic conversation in your home, and these abilities are easy to learn! One of the most important habits that creates meaningful discussion is the skill of active listening.
Here are 3 tips to develop your ability to be a great listener: Pay Attention to Your Nonverbals An active listener understands the importance of things like eye contact, body language, and gestures that encourage the child or partner to continue (things like heads nods, comments like "really?", "tell me more," etc.
).
If you desire to create vibrant conversation at home, plan to be fully present physically and mentally.
Do you know that experts estimate that up to 90% of the meaning that we get from communication comes from nonverbal aspects like those mentioned above? This fact reminds us of the incredibly important messages that we send to our family that don't come in words that can either open up dialog or shut it down.
For example, what message does it give when your child talks and you respond to text messages from your phone? On the flipside, what does it say to your son when you turn away from the computer, lean toward him, and give your full attention? A great habit to develop is the ability to "listen with your eyes".
To give perspective, consider what you want when you have something important to share with someone.
This offers a very clear guide for what to give those we love if we desire meaningful interaction.
If you share something important, would you want the other person to be distracted by tv or Facebook? Would you want them to be working on tasks around the house while you try to interact? Or would you want them to give you their full attention? What would make you feel the conversation really matters? Provide these things for your child or partner and watch the connection grow.
Offer Feedback Active listening also provides feedback to be sure you are hearing well.
You may ask your child something like, "So, it sounds like you feel that your teacher is playing favorites.
Is that right?" or ask your spouse, "What I'm hearing you say is you feel stuck in your work and think it may be time to look for another position?" Questions like these offer the other person a chance either to confirm you've got it (which makes them feel cared for and heard) or to clarify what they want to express.
It's important to know that, when you listen and mirror back what you hear, it doesn't mean you agree with what is expressed! Feedback simply provides a powerful tool to help your child or partner feel that you have heard them out and you care about what they have to say.
Being heard and understood creates another brick in the foundation of powerful family interaction.
Listen to Understand A great communicator develops the ability to set aside his personal agenda (at least temporarily) for the sake of the other.
The entire focus is to understand what your partner expresses.
Seek to be aware of what is happening in you when the other person is talking.
Are you daydreaming? Are you thinking about the grocery list? A common trap that sabotages good listening is thinking about the reply you will to make to what the other expresses.
There is a big difference between listening to understand and listening to respond.
Author Steven Beebe says, "Listening boils down to this: You are either on task or you are off task.
" You know you are growing as an effective listener when you are able to fully say what your loved one expresses and they feel completely heard.
You will be amazed at the openness that develops when those you love have confidence they will be heard out.
Take Action In closing, consider the power of this approach to effective interactions offered by Gen.
George Marshall in Bits and Pieces: 1.
Listen to the other person's story.
2.
Listen to the other person's full story.
3.
Listen to the other person's full story first.
These communication skills are easily learnable and have powerful influence on meaningful conversation in your home.
Let me encourage you to identify one of the abilities above and begin to practice today.
How might your family dynamic change when you take that kind of action?
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