Are You a 21st Century Feminist?
I've always considered myself to be a liberated, modern woman.
A feminist, maybe? I do believe in equality between men and women.
My partner, however, disagreed.
You, a feminist?! He laughed.
I was offended.
Apparently, I come across as a traditional woman.
All because I like to presented with flowers from time to time and prefer to get someone else to do the DIY.
That didn't stop me from re-decorating the house mostly on my own and when it comes to gardening and cutting down the overgrown shrubs, I'm the woman! So what am I? And what is a 21st century feminist? I looked up the word on dictionary.
com to make sure.
Feminism is "the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men," it said.
Sounded good to me.
But would I go as far as attempting to carry a huge chest of drawers on my own during an office move just because I believe in equal rights? No way.
I'd leave it to the rugby player colleague.
He's twice my height and his arm is bigger than my leg.
Does that make me less of a feminist? What about the whole issue of opening the door for a lady? It's nice when someone holds the door for you.
But that's got more to do with manners than feminism.
How about a man sitting on the train while a woman is standing next to him, mentally cursing him and her high heels? In Russia, where I grew up, that would be frowned upon.
The man would be declared a failed gentleman and would probably end up giving up his seat anywhere or risk spending the rest of the day feeling bad about himself.
I'm not sure it matters as much in the UK.
It certainly doesn't matter to me, as long as I don't intend to date the man in question.
And that brings me back to the dilemma: Am I a feminist or a traditionalist? Men feel somewhat confused by all this mess, I'm told.
They are afraid of opening a door or giving up their seat for a lady in case she turns out to be "one of those" (by that they mean a feminist) and has a go at them right there and then.
They complain that the women in their lives are sending out mixed signals.
Men like to use that phrase for some reason.
I always imagine myself becoming an alien with a couple of antennae on my head, frantically sending out signal after signal that all come back undelivered.
My signals are clear! I want my man to earn a lot of money, keep fit and healthy, spend a lot of time with me and the kids, do his share of housework, bring me flowers and chocolates, whisk me away on weekend breaks and understand the signals I send.
I want it all.
I want to have my cake and eat it.
I want the best of both worlds.
Call it whatever you like, it doesn't change my (human) nature.
In the past few years there has been much talk about the stresses of modern life and the confusion both men and women have to go through.
We can't have it all after all, it's been declared.
Trying to have it all causes too much stress.
Men can't be hunters and gatherers at the same time, apparently, and so can't women.
I don't know about that.
I have been both for a very long time.
I've worked long hour followed by more long hours of childcare and housework.
I've been jealous of the way men can just ignore all the things still to be done at home if they come from work exhausted.
But I still cleaned and cooked and read bedtime stories and still wished I had a tidier house or more time with the children.
So have I been conditioned to be a feminist when I am a traditionalist at heart? Or is it the other way round? Have I become more of a traditional woman since having two kids and realising that working twenty-hour days is too much? Having thought about it for a while, I've come to the conclusion that I am a traditional feminist.
Or maybe a feminist traditionalist.
Something like that.
I'm both sides of the story.
I am too exhausted to have principles.
As long as everyone agrees that women and men have equal rights, I'm happy to accept all the bonuses that come with being a woman.
And even though I could probably beat an average man when it comes to fitness, I'll just sit back and let my boyfriend do all the hard jobs round the house.
He is a man after all!
A feminist, maybe? I do believe in equality between men and women.
My partner, however, disagreed.
You, a feminist?! He laughed.
I was offended.
Apparently, I come across as a traditional woman.
All because I like to presented with flowers from time to time and prefer to get someone else to do the DIY.
That didn't stop me from re-decorating the house mostly on my own and when it comes to gardening and cutting down the overgrown shrubs, I'm the woman! So what am I? And what is a 21st century feminist? I looked up the word on dictionary.
com to make sure.
Feminism is "the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men," it said.
Sounded good to me.
But would I go as far as attempting to carry a huge chest of drawers on my own during an office move just because I believe in equal rights? No way.
I'd leave it to the rugby player colleague.
He's twice my height and his arm is bigger than my leg.
Does that make me less of a feminist? What about the whole issue of opening the door for a lady? It's nice when someone holds the door for you.
But that's got more to do with manners than feminism.
How about a man sitting on the train while a woman is standing next to him, mentally cursing him and her high heels? In Russia, where I grew up, that would be frowned upon.
The man would be declared a failed gentleman and would probably end up giving up his seat anywhere or risk spending the rest of the day feeling bad about himself.
I'm not sure it matters as much in the UK.
It certainly doesn't matter to me, as long as I don't intend to date the man in question.
And that brings me back to the dilemma: Am I a feminist or a traditionalist? Men feel somewhat confused by all this mess, I'm told.
They are afraid of opening a door or giving up their seat for a lady in case she turns out to be "one of those" (by that they mean a feminist) and has a go at them right there and then.
They complain that the women in their lives are sending out mixed signals.
Men like to use that phrase for some reason.
I always imagine myself becoming an alien with a couple of antennae on my head, frantically sending out signal after signal that all come back undelivered.
My signals are clear! I want my man to earn a lot of money, keep fit and healthy, spend a lot of time with me and the kids, do his share of housework, bring me flowers and chocolates, whisk me away on weekend breaks and understand the signals I send.
I want it all.
I want to have my cake and eat it.
I want the best of both worlds.
Call it whatever you like, it doesn't change my (human) nature.
In the past few years there has been much talk about the stresses of modern life and the confusion both men and women have to go through.
We can't have it all after all, it's been declared.
Trying to have it all causes too much stress.
Men can't be hunters and gatherers at the same time, apparently, and so can't women.
I don't know about that.
I have been both for a very long time.
I've worked long hour followed by more long hours of childcare and housework.
I've been jealous of the way men can just ignore all the things still to be done at home if they come from work exhausted.
But I still cleaned and cooked and read bedtime stories and still wished I had a tidier house or more time with the children.
So have I been conditioned to be a feminist when I am a traditionalist at heart? Or is it the other way round? Have I become more of a traditional woman since having two kids and realising that working twenty-hour days is too much? Having thought about it for a while, I've come to the conclusion that I am a traditional feminist.
Or maybe a feminist traditionalist.
Something like that.
I'm both sides of the story.
I am too exhausted to have principles.
As long as everyone agrees that women and men have equal rights, I'm happy to accept all the bonuses that come with being a woman.
And even though I could probably beat an average man when it comes to fitness, I'll just sit back and let my boyfriend do all the hard jobs round the house.
He is a man after all!
Source...