You Do NOT Want Those Dresses Back
So then...
I try to gently, but urgently, stuff the four brand new dresses into my suitcase, but it.
will.
not.
zip.
(Mama says that proper ladies don't sweat -- they glisten.
Well, I am glistening buckets.
) My flight for Los Angeles leaves in 90 minutes.
I look at Bianca the sales lady frantically, hoping she has a solution for these four gorgeous dresses I have just bought at Janelle's, my favorite New York dress shop.
Bianca asks, "Can't you just carry them on the plane?" I point to my jam-packed carry-on bag, then spout rapidly, "If I can't stuff them in here, I can't take them! I don't have time to buy another suitcase and I'm about to miss my flight!" Bianca says ever-so-helpfully, "Well, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to stop to shop on your way to the airport...
" I point to the huge "ONE-DAY ONLY SALE: 60% OFF" sign next to the register.
I shoot her an exasperated, "Where are your priorities?" expression.
I'm a corporate cutie in my 30's, so the dresses are a must! Bianca brightens and says, "How about if I ship them to your house?" "But I live in an apartment in LA and there's no one to sign for a package when I'm at work!" "OK, I'll ship them to Los Angeles," she says.
"And then you won't have to pay any sales tax.
" Bianca is my new best friend.
So I whisk off to LA, secure in the knowledge that my new sartorial treasures will arrive at my company's West Coast warehouse in a matter of days.
A week goes by.
No mention of the dresses arriving.
I visit Octavio, the warehouse manager, to ask if any packages have arrived for me from Janelle's Dress Shop in New York.
Nope.
But he says he will ask around.
He nods sagely as though I have tasked him with a mystery worthy of Sherlock Holmes.
Two days later, Octavio comes to my office, with hands clasped in front of him, and delivers his report.
"Your package did arrive.
" "That's great!" I say.
"But the guys in Receiving thought it was a Return.
" "Huh?" "A Return.
We ship products out and sometimes the overstocks or damages get returned to us.
But sometimes the stores send us the wrong Returns - like tablecloths or plastic bowls," he says.
"Seriously?" "Yeah, one time, even a case of basketballs," he says.
"Oh, OK.
But I can have the dresses, right?" "Well, the unspoken warehouse policy is that whoever opens a wrong Return, gets to keep the merchandise.
" "Oh.
" I ponder the ethics of that for a moment.
And marvel at the fun sort of "Mystery Grab Bag" atmosphere that must pervade the Warehouse Receiving department.
But then I snap back to my hard-won stunning silk dresses and ask, "OK, but we can get the dresses back from whichever worker accidentally opened that package, right?" "You don't want them back.
" "What? Of course I want them back! They're beautiful! And expensive! And I love them!" Octavio shakes his head firmly.
"You don't want them back.
" "Why not?" I ask.
"Diego was the one who opened the package.
So he gave the dresses away.
" "Can't we get them back?" I implore him.
"No.
Diego gave two to his wife.
And two to his mistress.
His mistress is much shorter and...
well...
skinnier than you, so she had to cut them across the middle to make them into a short top and a small skirt.
" I gasp.
I literally gasp.
My sumptuous corporate silk dresses slashed in half to make a crop top and mini skirt for a sexy little Carmelita! "But...
the wife?" I ask hopefully.
"Maybe the wife didn't harm her dresses? Maybe-" "No, her dresses are fine.
But the wife found out about the mistress, so she moved back to Mexico.
" I stare at him blankly.
"With the dresses," he adds.
I momentarily toy with the idea of hunting Diego's wife down in Mexico and demanding my wayward wardrobe.
I then consider hunting Diego down and slapping him silly for his irresponsible Lothario behavior.
Good God, man! Keep it in your pants - or at least exercise discretion! The good news is that the American Express Purchase Protection Program reimbursed me for the disappearing dresses - and I'm hoping the claim form detailing my loss -- and Diego's dames' gain -- produced a couple chuckles around the AmEx office.
I try to gently, but urgently, stuff the four brand new dresses into my suitcase, but it.
will.
not.
zip.
(Mama says that proper ladies don't sweat -- they glisten.
Well, I am glistening buckets.
) My flight for Los Angeles leaves in 90 minutes.
I look at Bianca the sales lady frantically, hoping she has a solution for these four gorgeous dresses I have just bought at Janelle's, my favorite New York dress shop.
Bianca asks, "Can't you just carry them on the plane?" I point to my jam-packed carry-on bag, then spout rapidly, "If I can't stuff them in here, I can't take them! I don't have time to buy another suitcase and I'm about to miss my flight!" Bianca says ever-so-helpfully, "Well, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to stop to shop on your way to the airport...
" I point to the huge "ONE-DAY ONLY SALE: 60% OFF" sign next to the register.
I shoot her an exasperated, "Where are your priorities?" expression.
I'm a corporate cutie in my 30's, so the dresses are a must! Bianca brightens and says, "How about if I ship them to your house?" "But I live in an apartment in LA and there's no one to sign for a package when I'm at work!" "OK, I'll ship them to Los Angeles," she says.
"And then you won't have to pay any sales tax.
" Bianca is my new best friend.
So I whisk off to LA, secure in the knowledge that my new sartorial treasures will arrive at my company's West Coast warehouse in a matter of days.
A week goes by.
No mention of the dresses arriving.
I visit Octavio, the warehouse manager, to ask if any packages have arrived for me from Janelle's Dress Shop in New York.
Nope.
But he says he will ask around.
He nods sagely as though I have tasked him with a mystery worthy of Sherlock Holmes.
Two days later, Octavio comes to my office, with hands clasped in front of him, and delivers his report.
"Your package did arrive.
" "That's great!" I say.
"But the guys in Receiving thought it was a Return.
" "Huh?" "A Return.
We ship products out and sometimes the overstocks or damages get returned to us.
But sometimes the stores send us the wrong Returns - like tablecloths or plastic bowls," he says.
"Seriously?" "Yeah, one time, even a case of basketballs," he says.
"Oh, OK.
But I can have the dresses, right?" "Well, the unspoken warehouse policy is that whoever opens a wrong Return, gets to keep the merchandise.
" "Oh.
" I ponder the ethics of that for a moment.
And marvel at the fun sort of "Mystery Grab Bag" atmosphere that must pervade the Warehouse Receiving department.
But then I snap back to my hard-won stunning silk dresses and ask, "OK, but we can get the dresses back from whichever worker accidentally opened that package, right?" "You don't want them back.
" "What? Of course I want them back! They're beautiful! And expensive! And I love them!" Octavio shakes his head firmly.
"You don't want them back.
" "Why not?" I ask.
"Diego was the one who opened the package.
So he gave the dresses away.
" "Can't we get them back?" I implore him.
"No.
Diego gave two to his wife.
And two to his mistress.
His mistress is much shorter and...
well...
skinnier than you, so she had to cut them across the middle to make them into a short top and a small skirt.
" I gasp.
I literally gasp.
My sumptuous corporate silk dresses slashed in half to make a crop top and mini skirt for a sexy little Carmelita! "But...
the wife?" I ask hopefully.
"Maybe the wife didn't harm her dresses? Maybe-" "No, her dresses are fine.
But the wife found out about the mistress, so she moved back to Mexico.
" I stare at him blankly.
"With the dresses," he adds.
I momentarily toy with the idea of hunting Diego's wife down in Mexico and demanding my wayward wardrobe.
I then consider hunting Diego down and slapping him silly for his irresponsible Lothario behavior.
Good God, man! Keep it in your pants - or at least exercise discretion! The good news is that the American Express Purchase Protection Program reimbursed me for the disappearing dresses - and I'm hoping the claim form detailing my loss -- and Diego's dames' gain -- produced a couple chuckles around the AmEx office.
Source...