WARNING- READERS BEWARE OF "DEAR" AUTHORS!
WARNING - READERS BEWARE OF "DEAR" AUTHORS
by
Karen A. Lech
I feel in all fairness to you who are avid readers, I feel obligated to alert you to the very likely possibility of developing an illness known as "Lines Disease".
I, being sound of mind (most of the time) and in a good state of health (where is that on the map of life? I usually live in the state of confusion) have purchased, in innocence, just like you, over the years - a few books. Well, many books. Okay a LOT of books. Then it started. The symptoms were, at first, so subtle in nature that I did not recognize them, until just recently. Perhaps I was in denial that I could be afflicted with such a thing. But it is true.
Here is my story:..
"Lines Disease" is often mis-diagnosed and misunderstood, and highly addictive condition. First, you open a book. The cover has captivated you, and perhaps you read a few of the reviews of this novel, or the blurb on the back, which starts craving-like behavior, not unlike that of an over eater, tobacco abuser, cocaine addict. you want MORE.
Mental Confusion...Before you know it, the "dear" author has bitten into your mind and imagination, and "tick-ed" you off, perhaps by killing off your favorite character. The virus has started. My own mind becomes numb, and short and long term memory corrupted. How can one think of housecleaning or laundry, or paying the mortgage or saving for college tuition when this happens?
Lethargy.... I could not move out of my favorite reading chair. I could no longer lift my head up to look at the television or out a window. My sense of hearing became lessened. I could barely hear the kids yelling, mom when is dinner gonna be ready??
Brain eating words were gnawing at my brain... worms of thought twisting through cells, sparking nerves in my memory banks, emotional cortices, and paralyzing my ability to walk or talk.
Sleeplessness. At night, in my bed, I would try to shut my eyes, but no. Though burning and tearing I could not sleep. I tossed and turned til the wee hours of the morning, tossing the Kleenex on the floor as I was too engrossed in what was going to happen now that the main character lost her one and only love, and turning and turning and turning page after page after page. only to find myself in a cramped position in the morning, my reading glasses at the tip of my nose, and my hands nearly crippled from.... still holding the book tightly to my chest all night.
My children were worried sick about my condition and constantly tried to help. However, this disease is extremely contagious. While the kids would sit at my knee or climb on my bed, I would read excerpts to them, and they started getting similar symptoms, which slowly or rapidly progressed to full blown disease. Their television/video game glazed-over eyes lost their vacant look at first........ and then became brightened somehow, trance-like, then reddened from eyestrain. They disappeared from my sight. I searched for them, like they were vampires hiding from sunlight, only to find them in their rooms, suffering the way I was. Their hearing was impaired... they could no longer hear me yell, "Take out the garbage" or "Please bring me a cup of tea." They are now afflicted in like manner, and their rooms no longer have just clothes on the floor but scattered books which have overflowed the bookcases I had delivered (which I ordered on line so as not to have to go out of the house while reading an E-zine).
Yes, it's true..the authors of this world have taken good and humble folk and so subtly created MONSTERS of us from monster stories and other deceptively subtle escapes of mystery, sex, romance, horror!
So, it is with great concern I feel compelled to write this warning to you all. Perhaps we could start a class action law suit against the "dear" authors, but I think reading all those forms would take too long, and go to court? - I know I could not sit in a courtroom for weeks hearing testimony in my condition, I would need to take frequent rest breaks - like some time-out on a lounge chair in the sun with a glass of cold lemonade, ice cubes tinkling, under a broad striped beach umbrella to shade my body from the sunburn I would get spending hours resting with a book in my lap. And I don't think the court system would provide for that. What would probably happen is that the judge would retire to his or her chambers, and read for a while, while the jurors would get confined and have lunch and start reading labels on the lunch items or the notes they snuck in with them or... the novels from their purses/jacket pockets (written by the defendants). It probably would not be a fair trial at all!
Well, I must get back to bed... I feel a feverish need to.... read something. But don't say you have not been warned. There is no cure for this disease as yet. And that makes me...
one happy author.
Sincerely,
Karen A. Lech
Author
by
Karen A. Lech
I feel in all fairness to you who are avid readers, I feel obligated to alert you to the very likely possibility of developing an illness known as "Lines Disease".
I, being sound of mind (most of the time) and in a good state of health (where is that on the map of life? I usually live in the state of confusion) have purchased, in innocence, just like you, over the years - a few books. Well, many books. Okay a LOT of books. Then it started. The symptoms were, at first, so subtle in nature that I did not recognize them, until just recently. Perhaps I was in denial that I could be afflicted with such a thing. But it is true.
Here is my story:..
"Lines Disease" is often mis-diagnosed and misunderstood, and highly addictive condition. First, you open a book. The cover has captivated you, and perhaps you read a few of the reviews of this novel, or the blurb on the back, which starts craving-like behavior, not unlike that of an over eater, tobacco abuser, cocaine addict. you want MORE.
Mental Confusion...Before you know it, the "dear" author has bitten into your mind and imagination, and "tick-ed" you off, perhaps by killing off your favorite character. The virus has started. My own mind becomes numb, and short and long term memory corrupted. How can one think of housecleaning or laundry, or paying the mortgage or saving for college tuition when this happens?
Lethargy.... I could not move out of my favorite reading chair. I could no longer lift my head up to look at the television or out a window. My sense of hearing became lessened. I could barely hear the kids yelling, mom when is dinner gonna be ready??
Brain eating words were gnawing at my brain... worms of thought twisting through cells, sparking nerves in my memory banks, emotional cortices, and paralyzing my ability to walk or talk.
Sleeplessness. At night, in my bed, I would try to shut my eyes, but no. Though burning and tearing I could not sleep. I tossed and turned til the wee hours of the morning, tossing the Kleenex on the floor as I was too engrossed in what was going to happen now that the main character lost her one and only love, and turning and turning and turning page after page after page. only to find myself in a cramped position in the morning, my reading glasses at the tip of my nose, and my hands nearly crippled from.... still holding the book tightly to my chest all night.
My children were worried sick about my condition and constantly tried to help. However, this disease is extremely contagious. While the kids would sit at my knee or climb on my bed, I would read excerpts to them, and they started getting similar symptoms, which slowly or rapidly progressed to full blown disease. Their television/video game glazed-over eyes lost their vacant look at first........ and then became brightened somehow, trance-like, then reddened from eyestrain. They disappeared from my sight. I searched for them, like they were vampires hiding from sunlight, only to find them in their rooms, suffering the way I was. Their hearing was impaired... they could no longer hear me yell, "Take out the garbage" or "Please bring me a cup of tea." They are now afflicted in like manner, and their rooms no longer have just clothes on the floor but scattered books which have overflowed the bookcases I had delivered (which I ordered on line so as not to have to go out of the house while reading an E-zine).
Yes, it's true..the authors of this world have taken good and humble folk and so subtly created MONSTERS of us from monster stories and other deceptively subtle escapes of mystery, sex, romance, horror!
So, it is with great concern I feel compelled to write this warning to you all. Perhaps we could start a class action law suit against the "dear" authors, but I think reading all those forms would take too long, and go to court? - I know I could not sit in a courtroom for weeks hearing testimony in my condition, I would need to take frequent rest breaks - like some time-out on a lounge chair in the sun with a glass of cold lemonade, ice cubes tinkling, under a broad striped beach umbrella to shade my body from the sunburn I would get spending hours resting with a book in my lap. And I don't think the court system would provide for that. What would probably happen is that the judge would retire to his or her chambers, and read for a while, while the jurors would get confined and have lunch and start reading labels on the lunch items or the notes they snuck in with them or... the novels from their purses/jacket pockets (written by the defendants). It probably would not be a fair trial at all!
Well, I must get back to bed... I feel a feverish need to.... read something. But don't say you have not been warned. There is no cure for this disease as yet. And that makes me...
one happy author.
Sincerely,
Karen A. Lech
Author
Source...