Help Our Children Discover Life Beyond Entitlement
O child of my heart, I wanted to give you everything...
...
lay the world at your feet ...
make all your wishes come true ...
create a fairy tale existence of happily ever after.
All for you, Child of my heart.
O child of my dreams, I wanted to give you everything I imagined I didn't have growing up...
...
recognition of how special and worthy you are ...
opportunities to have and experience everything other kids got to enjoy ...
rewards for doing your best...
and sometimes, not even your best.
Every first...
and second and third...
every little thing...
had to be recorded and displayed in honour of you and your life...
...
albums and digital folders and walls of photos ...
posts on social media seeking affirmation of all that I see in you.
You were the star of everything you did.
I made the world revolve around you...
the star of my life.
O child of my heart, I wanted you to have my dream childhood.
I wanted to relive my childhood through you.
I never wanted you to know...
...
the ache of rejection ...
the inner shrinking of not being enough ...
the pain of a broken heart ...
the disappointment of loss ...
the anxiety of fear.
I wanted to protect you from the knocks of childhood, the reality of growing up in a world that can be tough and cold and unyielding.
But, in doing all this, I did you a disservice.
I recognize that now.
I made you feel entitled to...
...
recognition and results with no effort ...
instant gratification of your every wish ...
the rush of constant activity organized for you to shine in all your brilliance ...
flaunt your worth in brand names and logos ...
broadcast your inflated ego to the tune of "Look at me.
See how special I am.
" I made you feel entitled to the expectation that the world spins for you.
In trying to give you everything, I took away your opportunities to...
...
have unstructured time to be a child ...
dream and imagine ...
play and explore the world on your own terms ...
develop compassion for those who hurt or who do not have what you have ...
develop stamina and the motivation to strive toward a goal ...
develop understanding and caring for people and the world I prevented you from having the opportunities to become a person of quality on the inside.
I insisted on serving you the world on a silver platter and now I wonder why you expect the serving to continue from a world whose sun does not rise and set onyou.
O child of my heart, by giving you everything, I let you down.
When my marriage ended and I began life as a single parent, I ached for what I couldn't give my children.
I felt guilty because I couldn't give them everything their friends had.
I couldn't give them the latest trends and the name brands they yearned for because everyone else had them.
I couldn't give them the recreational vehicles and expensive holidays that their friends got to enjoy.
I couldn't give them a traditional two-parent family that it seemed all their friends had.
Instead, they had a new school to adjust to and new friends to make while they grieved the loss of their old ones.
They had the wounds of a fractured family to heal.
They had to go on without having a dad who was active in their lives.
I ached for my children.
How I yearned for the bandaid that would make all their hurts better.
How I ached to be able to give them everything that other children had.
It turns out that it was a good thing that I didn't get my wish.
If I had been able to give my children everything I wanted to give them, I would have created narcissistic, self-absorbed individuals.
I wanted my children to have the fairy tale childhood that I wrote of above.
I wanted their every wish to come true.
In many ways, I think I wanted to live through them.
Because my children experienced the pain and loss of a broken family and had to work through hurt and traumatic changes in their lives, they developed substance and heart.
They developed understanding and compassion for others.
They became fine, caring young adults with depth and quality of being.
It turns out that the most meaningful gifts I could give them were unconditional love and security they could count on in lives that had been turned upside-down.
It is up to us as parents and teachers and caregivers to help our children discover life beyond entitlement.
I know that no parent ever sets out to create narcissism in their children.
I certainly didn't, and if life hadn't intervened, I would have done exactly that.
Let us rethink our tendency to provide our children with everything they dream of or want.
Let us think beyond the moment and wanting to see happiness and delight in the faces of our children to the young people we want them to become.
How can we help our children develop the inner qualities that will help them realize their potential and embrace life on their own? Do we do this by giving them everything? Do we do this by making everything right in their lives? No, we don't.
We have to stand back and allow our children to interact with life and to develop resilience and strength of character.
We need to allow them to solve their own problems and to feel emotional pain.
We need to allow them to have the opportunity to work for something they want and to realize the fulfillment and pride in achieving a goal.
When we don't, we actually get in the way of our children's ability to manage in the world.
Let our goals as the adults in our children's lives be to develop:
Let us help them discover the fulfillment of exploring life on their own terms, finding what speaks to their hearts and is meaningful to them, and daring to become whom they are meant to be.
...
lay the world at your feet ...
make all your wishes come true ...
create a fairy tale existence of happily ever after.
All for you, Child of my heart.
O child of my dreams, I wanted to give you everything I imagined I didn't have growing up...
...
recognition of how special and worthy you are ...
opportunities to have and experience everything other kids got to enjoy ...
rewards for doing your best...
and sometimes, not even your best.
Every first...
and second and third...
every little thing...
had to be recorded and displayed in honour of you and your life...
...
albums and digital folders and walls of photos ...
posts on social media seeking affirmation of all that I see in you.
You were the star of everything you did.
I made the world revolve around you...
the star of my life.
O child of my heart, I wanted you to have my dream childhood.
I wanted to relive my childhood through you.
I never wanted you to know...
...
the ache of rejection ...
the inner shrinking of not being enough ...
the pain of a broken heart ...
the disappointment of loss ...
the anxiety of fear.
I wanted to protect you from the knocks of childhood, the reality of growing up in a world that can be tough and cold and unyielding.
But, in doing all this, I did you a disservice.
I recognize that now.
I made you feel entitled to...
...
recognition and results with no effort ...
instant gratification of your every wish ...
the rush of constant activity organized for you to shine in all your brilliance ...
flaunt your worth in brand names and logos ...
broadcast your inflated ego to the tune of "Look at me.
See how special I am.
" I made you feel entitled to the expectation that the world spins for you.
In trying to give you everything, I took away your opportunities to...
...
have unstructured time to be a child ...
dream and imagine ...
play and explore the world on your own terms ...
develop compassion for those who hurt or who do not have what you have ...
develop stamina and the motivation to strive toward a goal ...
develop understanding and caring for people and the world I prevented you from having the opportunities to become a person of quality on the inside.
I insisted on serving you the world on a silver platter and now I wonder why you expect the serving to continue from a world whose sun does not rise and set onyou.
O child of my heart, by giving you everything, I let you down.
When my marriage ended and I began life as a single parent, I ached for what I couldn't give my children.
I felt guilty because I couldn't give them everything their friends had.
I couldn't give them the latest trends and the name brands they yearned for because everyone else had them.
I couldn't give them the recreational vehicles and expensive holidays that their friends got to enjoy.
I couldn't give them a traditional two-parent family that it seemed all their friends had.
Instead, they had a new school to adjust to and new friends to make while they grieved the loss of their old ones.
They had the wounds of a fractured family to heal.
They had to go on without having a dad who was active in their lives.
I ached for my children.
How I yearned for the bandaid that would make all their hurts better.
How I ached to be able to give them everything that other children had.
It turns out that it was a good thing that I didn't get my wish.
If I had been able to give my children everything I wanted to give them, I would have created narcissistic, self-absorbed individuals.
I wanted my children to have the fairy tale childhood that I wrote of above.
I wanted their every wish to come true.
In many ways, I think I wanted to live through them.
Because my children experienced the pain and loss of a broken family and had to work through hurt and traumatic changes in their lives, they developed substance and heart.
They developed understanding and compassion for others.
They became fine, caring young adults with depth and quality of being.
It turns out that the most meaningful gifts I could give them were unconditional love and security they could count on in lives that had been turned upside-down.
It is up to us as parents and teachers and caregivers to help our children discover life beyond entitlement.
I know that no parent ever sets out to create narcissism in their children.
I certainly didn't, and if life hadn't intervened, I would have done exactly that.
Let us rethink our tendency to provide our children with everything they dream of or want.
Let us think beyond the moment and wanting to see happiness and delight in the faces of our children to the young people we want them to become.
How can we help our children develop the inner qualities that will help them realize their potential and embrace life on their own? Do we do this by giving them everything? Do we do this by making everything right in their lives? No, we don't.
We have to stand back and allow our children to interact with life and to develop resilience and strength of character.
We need to allow them to solve their own problems and to feel emotional pain.
We need to allow them to have the opportunity to work for something they want and to realize the fulfillment and pride in achieving a goal.
When we don't, we actually get in the way of our children's ability to manage in the world.
Let our goals as the adults in our children's lives be to develop:
- their capacity to love and truly care
- their inner strength and ability to deal with the ups and downs of life
- their understanding of who they are as individuals and what truly matters to them
- their ability to dream of a better world and the stamina to work toward fulfilling their dreams on their own merits
Let us help them discover the fulfillment of exploring life on their own terms, finding what speaks to their hearts and is meaningful to them, and daring to become whom they are meant to be.
Source...