5 Myths About Disciplining Your Child as a Single Parent
Child Discipline Myth #1: I've Failed as a Parent
Do you ever feel like you've failed miserably at disciplining your kids? Of course you do ... because you're human. And because raising kids is tricky business. Just when you think you've caught on to what works in the world of child discipline, they're on to you. No matter how much you teach your kids about hard-and-fast family rules and appropriate consequences for misbehavior, you'll still going to go through difficult periods when your go-to discipline strategies just don't seem to work.
When this happens, it's helpful to put your child's behavior into perspective. Remember, every parent deals with challenging behaviors. So let's get real and debunk some of the myths that get in the way of facing your kids' most challenging behaviors:
This myth destroys your self-confidence as a single parent. Instead of beating yourself up over how you've handled things in the past, live in the present, and use the experiences you're going through to help you find solutions. You know your child best! You know what's worked in the past, how to get his attention, and how much he values your influence. And take solace in knowing that you're not alone—every parent faces parenting challenges, and you have the strength and resources to overcome the situation you're facing right now.
Child Discipline Myth #2: My Child Prefers My Ex
This one is more than a common child discipline myth; it's an outright lie: "My child is acting out with me because she prefers my ex."
More likely, it's because your child is comfortable with you that she can exhibit her worst behavior in your presence. In some sense, she's acting out just to see how you'll respond.
Remember the old Verizon commercials, "Can you hear me now?" Imagine that your child is saying, "Do you love me now? . . . How about now? . . . Do you love me now?"
How you respond makes every bit of difference in the world to your child.
Child Discipline Myth #3: My Ex Never Has to Deal With Challenging Behaviors
Co-parents often believe that the other parent has a much easier time managing their kids' behavior, but the truth is that parenting is hard for all of us. There may be behaviors that your ex overlooks or isn't bothered by, but your children may still engage in those behaviors when they're with him. So don't automatically take the fact that it's not a problem at his (or her) house as a sign that the behavior in question is never happening there.
Remember, too, that you can ask your ex for input. It's not a sign of weakness to inquire about how he or she handles certain behaviors, and initiating the conversation gives you an opening to learning how to parent more consistently with your ex.
It's never too late to take back the reins and gain control over your kids' behavior. And if you're experiencing extreme behaviors that are hard to control right now, doing nothing will absolutely—for certain—make them worse. So don't let the lie that it's "too late" stop you from taking action.
Avoid the temptation to view your child's behavior as a personal attack. Growing up is hard work, and she may be experiencing a difficult phase. In fact, she may very well need your love and support now more than ever, so don't over-personalize her behavior or allow it to cause a rift in your relationship. Now is not the time to pull back.
On the contrary, concern about your child's behavior tells you that it is precisely the time to become more involved and to deal with the issue proactively.
Do you ever feel like you've failed miserably at disciplining your kids? Of course you do ... because you're human. And because raising kids is tricky business. Just when you think you've caught on to what works in the world of child discipline, they're on to you. No matter how much you teach your kids about hard-and-fast family rules and appropriate consequences for misbehavior, you'll still going to go through difficult periods when your go-to discipline strategies just don't seem to work.
When this happens, it's helpful to put your child's behavior into perspective. Remember, every parent deals with challenging behaviors. So let's get real and debunk some of the myths that get in the way of facing your kids' most challenging behaviors:
Child Discipline Myth #1: I've Failed as a Single Parent
This myth destroys your self-confidence as a single parent. Instead of beating yourself up over how you've handled things in the past, live in the present, and use the experiences you're going through to help you find solutions. You know your child best! You know what's worked in the past, how to get his attention, and how much he values your influence. And take solace in knowing that you're not alone—every parent faces parenting challenges, and you have the strength and resources to overcome the situation you're facing right now.
Child Discipline Myth #2: My Child Prefers My Ex
This one is more than a common child discipline myth; it's an outright lie: "My child is acting out with me because she prefers my ex."
More likely, it's because your child is comfortable with you that she can exhibit her worst behavior in your presence. In some sense, she's acting out just to see how you'll respond.
Remember the old Verizon commercials, "Can you hear me now?" Imagine that your child is saying, "Do you love me now? . . . How about now? . . . Do you love me now?"
How you respond makes every bit of difference in the world to your child.
Child Discipline Myth #3: My Ex Never Has to Deal With Challenging Behaviors
Co-parents often believe that the other parent has a much easier time managing their kids' behavior, but the truth is that parenting is hard for all of us. There may be behaviors that your ex overlooks or isn't bothered by, but your children may still engage in those behaviors when they're with him. So don't automatically take the fact that it's not a problem at his (or her) house as a sign that the behavior in question is never happening there.
Remember, too, that you can ask your ex for input. It's not a sign of weakness to inquire about how he or she handles certain behaviors, and initiating the conversation gives you an opening to learning how to parent more consistently with your ex.
It's never too late to take back the reins and gain control over your kids' behavior. And if you're experiencing extreme behaviors that are hard to control right now, doing nothing will absolutely—for certain—make them worse. So don't let the lie that it's "too late" stop you from taking action.
Avoid the temptation to view your child's behavior as a personal attack. Growing up is hard work, and she may be experiencing a difficult phase. In fact, she may very well need your love and support now more than ever, so don't over-personalize her behavior or allow it to cause a rift in your relationship. Now is not the time to pull back.
On the contrary, concern about your child's behavior tells you that it is precisely the time to become more involved and to deal with the issue proactively.
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