What Grandparents Worry About
Worrying is a big part of a grandparent's role. But the things that we worry about most seem to be the things we have the least control over. Read about six worries that grandparents have and what, if anything, we can do about them.
It's hard for grandparents to adjust to the role that technology plays in our grandkids' lives. Faced with toddlers who use computers and tweens with their own cell phones, we mourn for a less plugged-in time and simple slow pleasures like reading and storytelling.
What's a grandparent to do? Trying to get the younger generations to turn loose of technology is like trying to put the genie back in the bottle. Setting rules for technology in our own homes, however, is one of the decisions that grandparents can make. The grandchildren may just surprise you by loving the low-tech activities that you plan for them. On the other hand, they may constantly sneak peeks at their screens. Of course, technology can bring you together, too, especially when you are geographically far away.
About one-third of all American children eat fast food on any given day. And while all fast-food items are not terrible choices, the best-selling item at McDonald's is not a salad. It's fries. When the grandchildren are eating at home, most grandparents would like to see less packaged mac and cheese, sugary cereals, chips, soda and packaged cookies in their diets. We'd like to see more fruits and vegetables.
What's a grandparent to do? Every family is different. Some tolerate advice; some consider it interference. Try sharing what you've learned in the context of eating a more healthful diet yourself. You are working on your own diet, aren't you? Because being a good role model for your grandchildren is important, too. And be sure that when the grandchildren are with you, you are practicing what you preach.
Many grandparents are horrified by the sleep habits of their grandchildren. The top worry is not enough sleep. We're especially worried that our school-age children don't get the 10-11 hours that they need. We don't like electronics in kids' bedrooms, and we think that children should sleep in their own beds, except when they are sleeping over with Grandma, of course.
What's a grandparent to do? Grandparents have even less jurisdiction over sleep than they do over diet. But when the grandchildren sleep over, set a firm bedtime and sleep routine, and stick to it as much as possible. It may be a struggle at first, but visits will be more fun if grandparents and grandchildren are well-rested.
Today's children have far more things than most grandparents had as children, and even more than their parents had as children. Many grandparents worry things that children are being taught to value things more than people. They may dislike the sheer clutter of their grandchildren's lives.
What's a grandparent to do? This is an area in which many grandparents are part of the problem. In fact, many parents complain that their children get far too many gifts from grandparents. Grandparents can limit gifts, make contributions to savings in lieu of gifts or give gifts of experiences instead of things. They can also be sure that their values are firmly in the right place.
Honestly, no one wants to go back to the super authoritarian parenting of the not-so-distant past. But sometimes it seems as though the wishes of the little ones dictate everything from vacation destinations to budgeting decisions. This hurts grandparents because they see parents putting their own needs on hold.
What's a grandparent to do? This really is an area where grandparents have to exercise great restraint. Grandparents really can't do a thing other than occasionally reminding the grown-ups that they have a right to consider their own needs and wants. But it is unlikely to do any good.
If grandparents are honest, probably what we worry about most is what will happen to our grandchildren in the future. We worry about whether they'll be able to afford college and get good jobs. We wonder what kind of condition the environment will be in when they become adults, and whether they'll still be living in a democracy. We worry because it's impossible for us to know what their world will look like.
What's a grandparent to do? We can put back a little money -- if we have it -- for their college educations, and be as good a citizen of the world as possible. But other than those feeble measures, there's not a lot we can do. We have to have faith. People have been predicting doom for centuries, and the world keeps ticking along.
1. Too Plugged In
It's hard for grandparents to adjust to the role that technology plays in our grandkids' lives. Faced with toddlers who use computers and tweens with their own cell phones, we mourn for a less plugged-in time and simple slow pleasures like reading and storytelling.
What's a grandparent to do? Trying to get the younger generations to turn loose of technology is like trying to put the genie back in the bottle. Setting rules for technology in our own homes, however, is one of the decisions that grandparents can make. The grandchildren may just surprise you by loving the low-tech activities that you plan for them. On the other hand, they may constantly sneak peeks at their screens. Of course, technology can bring you together, too, especially when you are geographically far away.
2. What They Eat
About one-third of all American children eat fast food on any given day. And while all fast-food items are not terrible choices, the best-selling item at McDonald's is not a salad. It's fries. When the grandchildren are eating at home, most grandparents would like to see less packaged mac and cheese, sugary cereals, chips, soda and packaged cookies in their diets. We'd like to see more fruits and vegetables.
What's a grandparent to do? Every family is different. Some tolerate advice; some consider it interference. Try sharing what you've learned in the context of eating a more healthful diet yourself. You are working on your own diet, aren't you? Because being a good role model for your grandchildren is important, too. And be sure that when the grandchildren are with you, you are practicing what you preach.
3. Not Enough Sleep
Many grandparents are horrified by the sleep habits of their grandchildren. The top worry is not enough sleep. We're especially worried that our school-age children don't get the 10-11 hours that they need. We don't like electronics in kids' bedrooms, and we think that children should sleep in their own beds, except when they are sleeping over with Grandma, of course.
What's a grandparent to do? Grandparents have even less jurisdiction over sleep than they do over diet. But when the grandchildren sleep over, set a firm bedtime and sleep routine, and stick to it as much as possible. It may be a struggle at first, but visits will be more fun if grandparents and grandchildren are well-rested.
4. A Culture of Materialism
Today's children have far more things than most grandparents had as children, and even more than their parents had as children. Many grandparents worry things that children are being taught to value things more than people. They may dislike the sheer clutter of their grandchildren's lives.
What's a grandparent to do? This is an area in which many grandparents are part of the problem. In fact, many parents complain that their children get far too many gifts from grandparents. Grandparents can limit gifts, make contributions to savings in lieu of gifts or give gifts of experiences instead of things. They can also be sure that their values are firmly in the right place.
5. Kids in Charge
Honestly, no one wants to go back to the super authoritarian parenting of the not-so-distant past. But sometimes it seems as though the wishes of the little ones dictate everything from vacation destinations to budgeting decisions. This hurts grandparents because they see parents putting their own needs on hold.
What's a grandparent to do? This really is an area where grandparents have to exercise great restraint. Grandparents really can't do a thing other than occasionally reminding the grown-ups that they have a right to consider their own needs and wants. But it is unlikely to do any good.
6. Their Futures
If grandparents are honest, probably what we worry about most is what will happen to our grandchildren in the future. We worry about whether they'll be able to afford college and get good jobs. We wonder what kind of condition the environment will be in when they become adults, and whether they'll still be living in a democracy. We worry because it's impossible for us to know what their world will look like.
What's a grandparent to do? We can put back a little money -- if we have it -- for their college educations, and be as good a citizen of the world as possible. But other than those feeble measures, there's not a lot we can do. We have to have faith. People have been predicting doom for centuries, and the world keeps ticking along.
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