SEPARATION TRAUMA........AND KIDS
Children's reactions to their parents' separation vary. Your children may be angry, sad, depressed, ashamed, overwhelmed, guilty, and/or stressed. Maybe he or she will react with complete silence or just continue as if nothing has happened. All of these reactions are normal. However, if your children's reactions are severe or long-lasting it might be important to think about seeking professional help.
How children react and cope with the separation depend on numerous factors, including their age and developmental stage, the level of conflict between their parents, or the way parents talk to them about what's happening and assisting them to cope with the changes. It also depends on their personality and temperament. Maybe they will show different reactions at different times while they process things and get used to the new situation.
Though separation may be a tough time for everyone involved, it doesn't have to have long-term negative effects upon your children. With your understanding and assistance your children can learn how to cope with this life transition and regain a sense of well-being.
he discomfort of parents talking to children about their upcoming divorce is often exaggerated by worries about how the children will react. Parents frequently worry that their children will not be able to handle the news, will fall apart, will be sad or angry forever, or worse, will hate the parents for life. While children certainly do not generally take kindly to hearing that their parents are splitting up, they initially do respond in fairly typical ways that are in accord with their developmental stages.
Younger children (under the age of 5 or so) have diverse reactions to challenging information. Upon first hearing the news, some may cry briefly and then act as if they didn't hear it. Some may change the subject (a young child's typical way of defending against thoughts and feelings that are overwhelming). Some may show no emotion at all, and, after hearing the news, may just ask if he/she can go play. Never assume that the absence of an initial upset means that the child is fine with the divorce. A child's response to this event will always unfold in time.
Preschool and kindergarten-age children typically process difficult information through their play. When faced with their parents' separation and divorce, they may engage in play that involves themes of dolls/animals/ trucks coming and going, or leaving on trips, or yelling at and fighting with one another. In playing out all the parts (E.g. the leaver and the one left; or, the yeller and the one yelled at), they develop a sense of control and mastery over their feelings that arise from the separation and divorce. In contrast, adults process similar difficult feelings by thinking through, over and over, the circumstances that elicit these feelings, and also by talking through these feelings with their friends, family, and therapists.
How children react and cope with the separation depend on numerous factors, including their age and developmental stage, the level of conflict between their parents, or the way parents talk to them about what's happening and assisting them to cope with the changes. It also depends on their personality and temperament. Maybe they will show different reactions at different times while they process things and get used to the new situation.
Though separation may be a tough time for everyone involved, it doesn't have to have long-term negative effects upon your children. With your understanding and assistance your children can learn how to cope with this life transition and regain a sense of well-being.
he discomfort of parents talking to children about their upcoming divorce is often exaggerated by worries about how the children will react. Parents frequently worry that their children will not be able to handle the news, will fall apart, will be sad or angry forever, or worse, will hate the parents for life. While children certainly do not generally take kindly to hearing that their parents are splitting up, they initially do respond in fairly typical ways that are in accord with their developmental stages.
Younger children (under the age of 5 or so) have diverse reactions to challenging information. Upon first hearing the news, some may cry briefly and then act as if they didn't hear it. Some may change the subject (a young child's typical way of defending against thoughts and feelings that are overwhelming). Some may show no emotion at all, and, after hearing the news, may just ask if he/she can go play. Never assume that the absence of an initial upset means that the child is fine with the divorce. A child's response to this event will always unfold in time.
Preschool and kindergarten-age children typically process difficult information through their play. When faced with their parents' separation and divorce, they may engage in play that involves themes of dolls/animals/ trucks coming and going, or leaving on trips, or yelling at and fighting with one another. In playing out all the parts (E.g. the leaver and the one left; or, the yeller and the one yelled at), they develop a sense of control and mastery over their feelings that arise from the separation and divorce. In contrast, adults process similar difficult feelings by thinking through, over and over, the circumstances that elicit these feelings, and also by talking through these feelings with their friends, family, and therapists.
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