Addressing the Reason for the Behavior
In looking up information on good parenting, much is said in regards to improving your child's behavior. Parents' ears perk up at the mention of programs that will turn your child's bad attitude and behavior around in just days. While the idea has merit, and no doubt parents have had success with such programs, I fear the mentality that accompanies it.
A child is not a thing to be controlled or handled like a piece of machinery or an animal. It would be nice if our children did everything we wanted them to, but they are not computers built to respond in a specific way when we give a specific command or input. Human beings are born with individual personalities and souls that, though you must treat a certain age group as children, each child must be treated as an individual.
When a child exhibits a behavior, there is a reason for that behavior. Treating the behavior separate from the reason does not solve the problem. The purpose of being a parent is not to mold behaviors but to teach children. I am not discounting the use of reinforcements and punishments, but rather you respond to the child rather than just the behavior.
Today I was watching my nephew Chase, and usually he and my son play together fairly well. This time, Chase needed more attention and wanted to be held for a long time. Bridger was upset by this and started hitting Chase. I told him if he kept hitting he would be in time out, and that hitting was a bad thing. He stopped, but I did not leave the issue here.
When Chase was able to play alone, I took Bridger and gave him some individual attention. After that, he was nicer to Chase and things went more smoothly. I am not saying that I am the best example of parenting, or that I have everything figured out. I just feel that it is vitally important to look past the behavior to the person exhibiting it and treat the reason while teaching which behaviors are acceptable and which are not.
Frustrations will definitely arise, and you will do things you are not proud of. I put my son in time out for something and immediately realized that was not what I should do. As soon as I realized I took him out and proceeded to teach him what he could do rather than punishing him for something he might have done. People respond well when their needs are addressed. That is as true for me as for my son.
A child is not a thing to be controlled or handled like a piece of machinery or an animal. It would be nice if our children did everything we wanted them to, but they are not computers built to respond in a specific way when we give a specific command or input. Human beings are born with individual personalities and souls that, though you must treat a certain age group as children, each child must be treated as an individual.
When a child exhibits a behavior, there is a reason for that behavior. Treating the behavior separate from the reason does not solve the problem. The purpose of being a parent is not to mold behaviors but to teach children. I am not discounting the use of reinforcements and punishments, but rather you respond to the child rather than just the behavior.
Today I was watching my nephew Chase, and usually he and my son play together fairly well. This time, Chase needed more attention and wanted to be held for a long time. Bridger was upset by this and started hitting Chase. I told him if he kept hitting he would be in time out, and that hitting was a bad thing. He stopped, but I did not leave the issue here.
When Chase was able to play alone, I took Bridger and gave him some individual attention. After that, he was nicer to Chase and things went more smoothly. I am not saying that I am the best example of parenting, or that I have everything figured out. I just feel that it is vitally important to look past the behavior to the person exhibiting it and treat the reason while teaching which behaviors are acceptable and which are not.
Frustrations will definitely arise, and you will do things you are not proud of. I put my son in time out for something and immediately realized that was not what I should do. As soon as I realized I took him out and proceeded to teach him what he could do rather than punishing him for something he might have done. People respond well when their needs are addressed. That is as true for me as for my son.
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