Getting Your Ex Back The Right Way
A lot of people will tell you a lot of different things about how to go about getting your ex back after a breakup. Well, who you believe is up to you, but be warned that not all methods are equal...some are just temporary fixes and the problems that drove the relationship to its end just bubble back up to the surface and make your new happiness go the way of the first. There is a way, however, to not just cover up the problems in the relationship...but actually fix them, and make nothing stand in the way of pure happiness with the one you love.
When your ex first breaks up with you, there's a lot of stuff flowing through your head. Often your first impulses are bad ideas..."follow your instincts" may work with a lot of things, but patching up a breakup isn't one of them. If you're smart and you don't want to mess up your chances at getting your ex back, it's a good idea to respect your ex and back off, allowing him or her some time and space to think. In all honesty, you're going to need the same if you want to pull off a reunion.
Use that grace period of separation to its fullest. There's no time for lounging on the couch feeling sorry for yourself, you gotta get up and get busy! Brew a nice cup of coffee, get comfortable at the kitchen table, and start thinking. What went wrong in your relationship? Sometimes your ex is "kind" enough to give you an extensive list upon announcing the intent to break up with you, but not all of us are that lucky. If you're going to figure out how to make your ex come back to you (and more importantly, STAY with you) you're going to have to know exactly what you did wrong in the relationship.
Yes, what YOU did wrong. Your ex's faults don't matter, there's nothing you can personally do about them. What you need to work on is yourself. What drove your ex away? Answer that question, and "I don't know, he's a scumbag" doesn't count. Then ask yourself, what can you do to make that problem never come up again? How do I fix it so that when I get back with my ex, he or she doesn't leave me for this same reason again? How do I stop the problem? Answer these questions, and then repeat for every problem that contributed to the end of your relationship. Daunting, I know...but now aren't you glad you gave your ex that time to heal and yourself that time to think?
Set to work making the answers to your questions a reality. Fix the problems. It's really that simple, even if the problem isn't. A bad habit like biting your fingernails is easy compared to a whopper like "fear of intimacy," but if it's an issue it needs to be addressed. You can't expect to make the second try at the relationship succeed if it's exactly like the first one that failed, and you are in charge of you and you alone. Do what's necessary to be the person your ex needs, and if the compromise is too great to bear then perhaps your ex is asking too much and you'd be better off with someone more compatible with who you are.
Don't use "oh, well we're just not a fit" as an excuse to not change, however. Major problems will afflict just about any relationship you're in while you continue to have them, so it's in your best interest to put the most effort you can into making these changes. Doing so guarantees that you'll have a lot better chance of making any relationship work, not just a newly-forged attempt at the one with your ex.
This is the real key to what's involved in truly accomplishing your goal. I mean, what's more important to you...what's more desirable a result: getting your ex back for a week or so and then losing him or her forever, or pulling things back together and finding that true happiness you always saw possible in your relationship? If you go back into the game as the same exact person you were before, expect the same exact result.
After you've managed to deal with your problems and are ready to begin actively pursuing your ex again, there are a few different ways to go about it, but the most effective is usually to begin with light contact (a phone call or email) and build up slowly from there. Plowing back into a damaged relationship, regardless of how much you've changed, is still going to be a hurdle for your ex, who's probably still emotionally wounded from the breakup. By keeping it light and at your ex's pace, you make him or her more comfortable and able to see the person you've become. From there, it's just a matter of time and you not screwing it up!
The most critical thing I can tell you in this article, however, is this: when you DO get back together, don't just erase the changes you've made to yourself. Slipping back into old habits after doing so much work is just a plain waste, because you're just going to have done it all for nothing. If the relationship goes back to how it was, it'll end how it did. It's that simple, so don't let that happen! Don't let the renovations you've made fall through because you got lazy with the maintenance.
Just break up? Get instant relief from break up pain and a proven plan to get your ex back.
When your ex first breaks up with you, there's a lot of stuff flowing through your head. Often your first impulses are bad ideas..."follow your instincts" may work with a lot of things, but patching up a breakup isn't one of them. If you're smart and you don't want to mess up your chances at getting your ex back, it's a good idea to respect your ex and back off, allowing him or her some time and space to think. In all honesty, you're going to need the same if you want to pull off a reunion.
Use that grace period of separation to its fullest. There's no time for lounging on the couch feeling sorry for yourself, you gotta get up and get busy! Brew a nice cup of coffee, get comfortable at the kitchen table, and start thinking. What went wrong in your relationship? Sometimes your ex is "kind" enough to give you an extensive list upon announcing the intent to break up with you, but not all of us are that lucky. If you're going to figure out how to make your ex come back to you (and more importantly, STAY with you) you're going to have to know exactly what you did wrong in the relationship.
Yes, what YOU did wrong. Your ex's faults don't matter, there's nothing you can personally do about them. What you need to work on is yourself. What drove your ex away? Answer that question, and "I don't know, he's a scumbag" doesn't count. Then ask yourself, what can you do to make that problem never come up again? How do I fix it so that when I get back with my ex, he or she doesn't leave me for this same reason again? How do I stop the problem? Answer these questions, and then repeat for every problem that contributed to the end of your relationship. Daunting, I know...but now aren't you glad you gave your ex that time to heal and yourself that time to think?
Set to work making the answers to your questions a reality. Fix the problems. It's really that simple, even if the problem isn't. A bad habit like biting your fingernails is easy compared to a whopper like "fear of intimacy," but if it's an issue it needs to be addressed. You can't expect to make the second try at the relationship succeed if it's exactly like the first one that failed, and you are in charge of you and you alone. Do what's necessary to be the person your ex needs, and if the compromise is too great to bear then perhaps your ex is asking too much and you'd be better off with someone more compatible with who you are.
Don't use "oh, well we're just not a fit" as an excuse to not change, however. Major problems will afflict just about any relationship you're in while you continue to have them, so it's in your best interest to put the most effort you can into making these changes. Doing so guarantees that you'll have a lot better chance of making any relationship work, not just a newly-forged attempt at the one with your ex.
This is the real key to what's involved in truly accomplishing your goal. I mean, what's more important to you...what's more desirable a result: getting your ex back for a week or so and then losing him or her forever, or pulling things back together and finding that true happiness you always saw possible in your relationship? If you go back into the game as the same exact person you were before, expect the same exact result.
After you've managed to deal with your problems and are ready to begin actively pursuing your ex again, there are a few different ways to go about it, but the most effective is usually to begin with light contact (a phone call or email) and build up slowly from there. Plowing back into a damaged relationship, regardless of how much you've changed, is still going to be a hurdle for your ex, who's probably still emotionally wounded from the breakup. By keeping it light and at your ex's pace, you make him or her more comfortable and able to see the person you've become. From there, it's just a matter of time and you not screwing it up!
The most critical thing I can tell you in this article, however, is this: when you DO get back together, don't just erase the changes you've made to yourself. Slipping back into old habits after doing so much work is just a plain waste, because you're just going to have done it all for nothing. If the relationship goes back to how it was, it'll end how it did. It's that simple, so don't let that happen! Don't let the renovations you've made fall through because you got lazy with the maintenance.
Just break up? Get instant relief from break up pain and a proven plan to get your ex back.
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