Being a teenager can be a lonely and demanding existence.
Us parents are there to help - by guiding you away from the path you desperately wish to follow.
Some pieces of advice: The kitchen is there for intermittent functions usually involving family dining.
Although the physical building of the kitchen is still there in the middle of the night, it is not open for business at that time.
You are a teenager, if you are feeling hungry in the night and you wish to eat something then make it yourself.
It is not my place to wake up or be disturbed in order to feed you simply because you are either (a) overeating or (b) hungry at the inappropriate time.
No, you don't need new shoes, you had some shoes a week ago and they cost a lot of money.
I gave you that money for shoes that you don't need.
The new shoes that you wish to have are very similar to the old ones or, if they're not, they're so tremendously different that it is totally inappropriate for you to suddenly change fashion in a short space of a week.
If you wish us to buy shoes, you must be prepared to wear the pairs that you have been bought for a considerable time - often more than a few weeks.
When the phone rings, please answer it, it is never for me.
It is never for your brother or sister.
It is never anybody asking me to buy double glazing or try to sell me something.
It is for you.
It is always for you and, until you leave this house, it will always be for you.
Don't worry - the teenager years will pass - just not quickly enough for you.