Gardening And Landscaping For Men By A Man
There's no sense in beating around the bush, so to speak. I'm not a big fan of landscaping or working out in the yard. I'm outside as often as I get a chance. Don't get me wrong but, I'm no fan of mowing the grass or pruning trees. I'm a man and while there is some logic behind my views on landscaping, this stuff is going to get a little detailed so I hope you hang with me here.
I'm a single guy. I don't even have a steady girlfriend at the moment. I've been married and my wife decided that she liked the company of her mother more so I wished her the best. So, here I am with two acres of what appears to be pretty fertile soil that grows all sorts of green stuff. Mind you, there are no flowers in my yard, unless you cound the dandelions that my neighbors say I seem to grow pretty well.
My friendship with most of my neighbors has been a little strange over the past couple of years since I took on this man's view of landscaping. I know where they're coming from. At least two of my immediate neighbors are landscapers by profession so they don't really understand me and I can't say that I understand them too much. They've tried to help out when they felt so moved but these days they have pretty much given up to trying to make me see the light.
Yes, my house is the one in your neighborhood that is making each house in the neighborhood lose about ten or twenty thousand dollars in their property value. You probably walk on by when you take the kids trick or treating and you tell them not to bother with my place when it comes time for that fundraiser at school. You might see me sitting on the front porch every once in a while but other than that I'm inside most of the time. I'm not out mowing my grass or raking my leaves like a good neighbor who is being social. There is a good reason for all of this and I'm going to explain it to you.
We live in North Carolina and you have probably noticed that the majority of the time it's about a hundred degrees outside. I've experienced heat stroke and I don't care to ever have that sort of fun again. I lost my lunch in an unpleasant way and my wife found me on the couch with a headache that just wouldn't quit. She told me never to mow the grass down here in the middle of the day when it's hot outside. Well, it's always hot outside! So, I mow the grass as infrequently as possible. It doesn't bother me and I presently don't have a wife for it to bother either.
If you think that everyone must despise me and want me to move out, I'll tell you that the rabbits think that I'm a god! The hawks and the deer do also. The hawks hunt for bunnies in the front yard and the deer just love bedding down in the back where they feel safe and know that they won't be disturbed. I've left much of the scrub brush back there just for the deer and I delight in knowing that they have someplace that isn't manicured like the rest of the neighborhood so they can sleep. So, the local wildlife loves me even if my neighbors don't.
I know that there will come a day when all of this natural landscaping, as I like to call it, comes to an end. No, I'm not talking about when the local zoning officer tells me to cut my grass or they're going to fine me. That happens all the time. I mean that there will come a day when I'll have flowers in the yard and the trees will be pruned back. This change will probably come in the form of a five foot, two inch woman who's name I'll omit from this writing. We'll marry someday and she'll want to help me out and make this house a home again. She'll want to buy curtains and little rugs for the bathroom and she'll want flowers in the yard and she'll ask me kindly to cut the grass. This is what women do and it's worth it to this guy. She'll want every woman who drives by to know that a single guy doesn't live here anymore and it will be her way of marking her domain. So, you see. There's no sense in me going to any extremes to landscape the property because she's going to want to change it anyhow.
For now though, I smile at the rabbits in the yard and say good morning to the deer out back. I cut the grass when the zoning officer threatens me after a neighbor calls and complains and I wait for the day when I marry again and become domesticated again. I wait for my beautiful princess to come here and help me to make this house a home again. Until then I'm ok with the daily company of the wildlife and being that guy that just doesn't understand what landscaping is all about.
I'm a single guy. I don't even have a steady girlfriend at the moment. I've been married and my wife decided that she liked the company of her mother more so I wished her the best. So, here I am with two acres of what appears to be pretty fertile soil that grows all sorts of green stuff. Mind you, there are no flowers in my yard, unless you cound the dandelions that my neighbors say I seem to grow pretty well.
My friendship with most of my neighbors has been a little strange over the past couple of years since I took on this man's view of landscaping. I know where they're coming from. At least two of my immediate neighbors are landscapers by profession so they don't really understand me and I can't say that I understand them too much. They've tried to help out when they felt so moved but these days they have pretty much given up to trying to make me see the light.
Yes, my house is the one in your neighborhood that is making each house in the neighborhood lose about ten or twenty thousand dollars in their property value. You probably walk on by when you take the kids trick or treating and you tell them not to bother with my place when it comes time for that fundraiser at school. You might see me sitting on the front porch every once in a while but other than that I'm inside most of the time. I'm not out mowing my grass or raking my leaves like a good neighbor who is being social. There is a good reason for all of this and I'm going to explain it to you.
We live in North Carolina and you have probably noticed that the majority of the time it's about a hundred degrees outside. I've experienced heat stroke and I don't care to ever have that sort of fun again. I lost my lunch in an unpleasant way and my wife found me on the couch with a headache that just wouldn't quit. She told me never to mow the grass down here in the middle of the day when it's hot outside. Well, it's always hot outside! So, I mow the grass as infrequently as possible. It doesn't bother me and I presently don't have a wife for it to bother either.
If you think that everyone must despise me and want me to move out, I'll tell you that the rabbits think that I'm a god! The hawks and the deer do also. The hawks hunt for bunnies in the front yard and the deer just love bedding down in the back where they feel safe and know that they won't be disturbed. I've left much of the scrub brush back there just for the deer and I delight in knowing that they have someplace that isn't manicured like the rest of the neighborhood so they can sleep. So, the local wildlife loves me even if my neighbors don't.
I know that there will come a day when all of this natural landscaping, as I like to call it, comes to an end. No, I'm not talking about when the local zoning officer tells me to cut my grass or they're going to fine me. That happens all the time. I mean that there will come a day when I'll have flowers in the yard and the trees will be pruned back. This change will probably come in the form of a five foot, two inch woman who's name I'll omit from this writing. We'll marry someday and she'll want to help me out and make this house a home again. She'll want to buy curtains and little rugs for the bathroom and she'll want flowers in the yard and she'll ask me kindly to cut the grass. This is what women do and it's worth it to this guy. She'll want every woman who drives by to know that a single guy doesn't live here anymore and it will be her way of marking her domain. So, you see. There's no sense in me going to any extremes to landscape the property because she's going to want to change it anyhow.
For now though, I smile at the rabbits in the yard and say good morning to the deer out back. I cut the grass when the zoning officer threatens me after a neighbor calls and complains and I wait for the day when I marry again and become domesticated again. I wait for my beautiful princess to come here and help me to make this house a home again. Until then I'm ok with the daily company of the wildlife and being that guy that just doesn't understand what landscaping is all about.
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