My spouse continued an extramarital relationship between sessions at the job, whilst "working late," and when going to conferences for 9 months before she started meeting her lover with my kids present. The girls began to talk about "John" and then I discovered out. After some failed marital counseling, we separated. Within a week, my youngest child (4 during the time) started stating that John was always in the home and also that "John and mom are going to get married." We were mediating a negotiation the moment, therefore i called for a "no contact" clause to offer my gals an opportunity to get used to the thought of the family splitting up prior to suffering a live-in man. I won the terms, nonetheless it p___d my wife off. Shortly thereafter there were suggestions of weird behaviour. Naturally, issues went downhill from there, but as a result of a whole lot of difficult work I managed to acquire joint custody (although I ought to see my kids only under oversight until God knows when).

The point of all this is that it is best to be quite careful--anything can happen when custody is at stake. Various other than that, the 1st thing you might want to consider is whether your state is a "no fault" divorce state. If so, the judge is barred from contemplating marital misconduct in reaching a decision (although you can still try to prejudice him/her together with your story, I suppose). In general, I believe joint custody is preferable to sole custody, merely because the children will need two parents; unless, of course, your spouse's behavior may possibly be damaging in some way. Do you know what your spouse is planning to ask for? Are you getting along well sufficient that you could mediate a mutually agreeable parenting plan? I think a great deal of what you do will count upon your spouse's needs. Hang in there, and for the sake of your child, constantly keep his or her best interests in mind (despite your feelings about your soon-to-be ex).

Incidentally, last nite I had 5 different phone calls from individuals who I know either locally or by means of the Net who are going by way of divorces who have had false allegations thrown at them---absolutely astounding. I believe that Palehorse's book on custody evaluations is really a good tool and I would also suggest that we have to do some writing(maybe it has been done?) on how to take care of false allegations.....preparing for some thing like this is sad but most likely required.

What do you want out of your divorce? In some other words, what precisely are you shooting for in terms of custody/child support/etc...?

*YOU* must initial answer these questions, as the Father.

From there, we can talk about suggestions to go about it.

What I mean is take some serious time to yourself and consider the best arrangement for your kid, with out regard to whether or not or not it's feasable (aside from unwarranted hopes of reconcilliation - don't beat your self up over that one!).

That gives you a starting point. Then, you've got to throw in reality and start moving to the thing you truly ask for.