How Criticizing Your ADHD Child Can Be Good For Him
Parenting The ADD/ADHD Child.
Your child has done something that you are angry, upset or disappointed by or he's just done something that is plain wrong.
What can you do? How do you correct your child in a way that keeps his fragile self-esteem intact.
A child with ADD /ADHD has a much harder time dealing with criticism, mainly because he's been on the receiving end of so much criticism.
Teachers, classmates, siblings, relatives and perhaps even you have all criticized his wild, out of control behavior, his distractibility and so on.
So what's the solution? The key is to criticize your child constructively when the need arises.
There's a world of difference between constructive and destructive criticism.
Constructive criticism shows the child the error of his ways without tearing his sense of self-worth to shreds - his actions are bad, whist he as a person is still fundamentally good.
Destructive criticism on the other hand is all about making negative character judgments based on some action he may have taken or not taken.
Negative criticism is characterized by words such as "You're so ..
..
...
lazy/stupid/irresponsible/dumb...
etc" The key to giving constructive instead of destructive criticism is to criticize the behavior instead of the person.
"That was a very careless and dangerous thing to do!" is better than "How Could you be so stupid.
You'll get killed!" It also helps to use "I feel..
...
" statements rather than "You're ..
...
" statements.
For example, say "I feel angry that you broke my crystal vase by playing ball in the house.
" instead of "You're a dumb, careless idiot that always breaks things.
" Granted it's not easy to switch from destructive criticism to constructive criticism, especially if you were not raised that way.
But it can - and must - be done if you are to help build your ADD Child up, rather than tear him down.
Breaking the negative cycle of destructive criticism and teaching your child the skill of constructive criticism has the other hidden benefit of teaching your child a valuable communication skill that will stand him in good stead for the rest of his life.
Your child has done something that you are angry, upset or disappointed by or he's just done something that is plain wrong.
What can you do? How do you correct your child in a way that keeps his fragile self-esteem intact.
A child with ADD /ADHD has a much harder time dealing with criticism, mainly because he's been on the receiving end of so much criticism.
Teachers, classmates, siblings, relatives and perhaps even you have all criticized his wild, out of control behavior, his distractibility and so on.
So what's the solution? The key is to criticize your child constructively when the need arises.
There's a world of difference between constructive and destructive criticism.
Constructive criticism shows the child the error of his ways without tearing his sense of self-worth to shreds - his actions are bad, whist he as a person is still fundamentally good.
Destructive criticism on the other hand is all about making negative character judgments based on some action he may have taken or not taken.
Negative criticism is characterized by words such as "You're so ..
..
...
lazy/stupid/irresponsible/dumb...
etc" The key to giving constructive instead of destructive criticism is to criticize the behavior instead of the person.
"That was a very careless and dangerous thing to do!" is better than "How Could you be so stupid.
You'll get killed!" It also helps to use "I feel..
...
" statements rather than "You're ..
...
" statements.
For example, say "I feel angry that you broke my crystal vase by playing ball in the house.
" instead of "You're a dumb, careless idiot that always breaks things.
" Granted it's not easy to switch from destructive criticism to constructive criticism, especially if you were not raised that way.
But it can - and must - be done if you are to help build your ADD Child up, rather than tear him down.
Breaking the negative cycle of destructive criticism and teaching your child the skill of constructive criticism has the other hidden benefit of teaching your child a valuable communication skill that will stand him in good stead for the rest of his life.
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