Used thoughtfully, figures of speech can enrich and enliven our writing. But when laid on too thick, stretched beyond recognition, mixed like a Mai Tai on skid row, and twisted like a pig's tail in a bucket full of eels, figurative language may only confuse--or unintentionally amuse--our readers.

Since 1959, The New Yorker magazine has highlighted such farcical figures in an occasional newsbreak called "Block That Metaphor!" Here, to illustrate how not to use figurative language, are some of our favorite specimens of metaphorical overkill.

• Mixed Metaphors
  This is the margin of patience. It takes a special player or coach with a strong back for scrutiny to transition from a wide-eyed country mouse to a position in a rat race of expectations without losing his marbles.
  (from The New York Times, reprinted in The New Yorker, December 24, 2007)
• Painfully Extended Metaphors
  At last, the lip service that education has been lathered in for the past couple decades seems to have found the razor's edge among people who are willing to do something about improving it here, at the elementary level all the way up through public universities. But as budgets continue to be shaved, will the arts once again be trimmed from the programming?
  (from the Urban Tulsa Weekly, Oklahoma, reprinted in The New Yorker, March 3, 2003)
• Mixed Sports Metaphors
  STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND
  FISH OR CUT BAIT
  (headline in the Tulsa World, Oklahoma, reprinted in The New Yorker, January 10, 2000)
• Mixed Alliterative Metaphors
  The coattails of a successful favorite son can serve as a ladder to lift all with access into the perfumed White House atmosphere of perks and power.
  (from The Register Guard, Oregon, reprinted in The New Yorker, October 16 and 23, 2000)

• Mixed Dead Metaphors
  Rather than wallowing in tears, let this passionate community strike while the iron is hot. It probably won't cost the National Park Service a single penny, will be no skin off its nose, will heal the community and it presents a golden opportunity for first-person interpretation.
  (from the Daily Astorian, Oregon, reprinted in The New Yorker, April 21, 2006)
• Mixed Similes
  "We're not unconcerned," said Mary Matalin, Vice President Dick Cheney's chief political aide. "We're not so inflexible or blind that we're like Stepford wives and husbands marching like lemmings over a cliff. What we're doing is recalibrating."
  (from The New York Times, reprinted in The New Yorker, March 18, 2002)
• Mixed Personifications
  "I've spent a lot of time in the subways," said Shwa. "It's a dank and dark experience. You feel morbid. The environment contributes to the fear that develops in men and women. The moment that you walk into the bowels of the armpit of the cesspool of crime, you immediately cringe."
  (from Our Town, N.Y., reprinted in The New Yorker, March 27, 2000)

For more examples of disfigured figures of speech, visit What Are Mixed Metaphors?