Sample Responses to Revision Questions

1. The first sentence in the draft (or at least some version of it) might be retained, but sentences two and three should probably be eliminated or developed in a separate paragraph.
2. The writer is apparently attempting to describe his experience at the top of the mountain, but his place descriptions are as yet unfocused.

1. In his last sentence, the writer suggests that the dominant mood is peacefulness, but not all of his comments contribute to that effect.
2. Answers will depend on how you think the description should be focused.
3. Vague expressions include "the fantastic sight," the "different colors," the "weird shadows," and the "nice smell."