Updated November 20, 2014.

Please note: There are tons and tons of books on the market about caregiving. Some of them have the capacity to incredibly helpful, some might be good for caregivers in particular situations and others are hokey, condescending schlock. I’ll be providing occasional reviews here of books I feel I can personally recommend, especially focusing on books that either haven’t gotten much mainstream press or books that are unusual.

I don’t have any kind of financial benefit for recommending a book. In the vast majority of the cases I even bought the book outright rather than receiving a review copy. If I was provided a free review copy, that will be indicated with the review.
 
NAME/ AUTHOR/ PUBLISHER: Janet & Me: An Illustrated Story of Love and Loss by Stan Mack

2004 Simon and Schuster

A BIT ABOUT THE BOOK 

Janet and Me is a almost but not quite graphic novel style narrative written by Stan Mack, about his relationship with his partner Carole and their life between the time of her diagnosis with breast cancer until her death several years later.

The book is told in flashback, beginning with Carole’s death, and then progressing through her diagnosis, treatment and decline. The illustrations range from actual single panel cartoons with captions (the author is a cartoonist for the Village Voice) to more sophisticated drawings, which usually capture interactions between the author and his partner and interactions with them and family, friends and health care providers.

The book uses quotes from other folks in their lives to describe the time between Janet’s diagnosis and her death. For example, to tell the story of how Janet gave a  speech to a group of incarcerated young adults the author borrows the voice of Freeda, the person who arranged for Janet to make the speech.

While certainly some of the book details medical treatment and medical care (as well as dealing with medical bills) the majority of the book is about what the author and his partner do while they’re not involved in the health care system. The author includes anecdotes about their work, trips they took, parties they went to, as well as some of their regular life.
WHAT I LIKED: 
I loved the illustrations and the candor of the author. Nothing was sugar coated, which is a common problem in caregiving memoirs and a real disservice to the people who read them. I enjoyed reading from a male protagonist’s point of view and how he made himself neither superhuman nor jerk. In one cartoon he relates an interaction they had while taking a shower together. Janet says “My poor body. One less breast, a huge arm, a lumpy part, drugs oozing through my system and my hair falling out. It’s a good thing you love me right”  The author replies “you’ll always be the big eyed babe from the bisexual conference. Besides your titanium port is quite decorative.”

You can recognize this kind of conversation, if you’ve been in caregiving relationship with someone with whom you also have a romantic relationship. And his honest recounting of somewhat clumsy response is heartening.

I also enjoyed that he used the point of view of other friends, emails they shared with him and other ways of inserting other points of view into the memoir. This is pretty rare and makes the book a valuable addition to the this genre.

WHO WOULD IT HELP? WHO WOULD LIKE THIS BOOK? 

Janet and Me would especially good for a caregiver or a care recipient who are in romantic relationship and are interested in learning more about how other partners negotiated the minefield that is serious illness.