There's a lot said in the media and in schools today about children's rights - and children do need to know that they have rights.
But they need to know that the flip side of the rights coin is another "r" word: responsibilities.
While it's important that kids know their rights, it's also important that they know other people have rights too - starting with the family.
But we have to be assertive not aggressive.
It helps keep the emotional temperature down and offers a good model for your kids in their dealings with others.
Make it clear that you have your own wants, needs, fears, goals and aspirations, and won't be ridden over roughshod or treated like a servant.
But at the same time, be realistic.
For example, you don't have the right to be respected as a parent; you have the right to want to be respected.
Respect doesn't come with the job, it must be earned.
Everyone has Responsibilities Along with rights comes responsibility.
Don't be surprised if your teenager expects to have the former without the latter - many of us would! Whatever your family set-up, sharing responsibilities is important.
In situations where both parents work, it can be vital.
Cooking, cleaning, ironing, mowing the lawn, washing the car, putting out the garbage, they're jobs for both the boys and the girls.
And there's no reason why teenagers can't help care for their grandparents, or hold part-time jobs, do community work, perhaps through service clubs, churches, school or organizations such as Scouts and Guides.
Trust, Trust and Trust Again One of the main aspects of the teenage years is the struggle for and growth of independence.
This means teens taking responsibility for their lives and actions, and parents letting go.
But it's often hard for parents to do.
Naturally we want our children to be happy, safe and successful, and we worry that without us to look after things, they won't be.
We know too about the effects of peer pressure and the teenage need to conform, and we hear constantly through the media about what can go wrong.
The key is learning to trust; the dilemma is knowing how much and when.
Without trust and responsibility, teenagers can feel inadequate and lack independence.
But to be responsible, they need the option of being irresponsible, too.
Otherwise they're just being compliant, and while this may make life more peaceful, it can lead to problems later.
It's the difference between obedience, doing something because you're told to, and self-discipline, doing it because you tell yourself.
There is no simple trick to letting go.
It's a gradual progression.
Believing that you can't trust teenagers until they've proved that they can be trusted produces a Catch-22 situation; they need to be trusted to prove they can be trusted.
Often it's a question of trusting, having the trust misplaced, and trusting again.
It takes courage.
Overindulgence can restrict the development of independence.
Letting go too soon can leave kids disorientated.
Holding on too long can leave them no room to grow, pushing rebellion into the danger zone.