People communicate with much more than words.
In fact, over sixty-percent of what people communicate is not spoken at all, but is demonstrated for all to see in their body language.
More importantly, while the words people use can sometimes lie, body language tends to tell the truth at all times.
So, if you want to really understand what people are communicating, then you need to start listening with your eyes to what their bodies are saying.
Thousands of books have been written about body language.
They attempt to explain the meaning behind every physical movement-turning away, sitting back, leaning forward, crossing your arms, and even scratching your nose.
Well, theories are fine and dandy.
But if we're going to understand what the body wants us to hear, then we need a better tool than some list of body movements and what they tend to mean.
The best tool for decoding body language is a technique that simply color-codes a person's body language as green, yellow, or red.
Green body language indicates that your listeners are open to your words and interested in your ideas.
Whenever you see green body language, you know that your words are being thoughtfully considered; and so, you continue speaking.
Green body language includes, but is not limited to, strong eye contact, head nodding, leaning in, open hands, smiling and the listener facing the speaker.
Yellow body language indicates that your listeners have something on their minds.
They may wish to make a point.
They may have misunderstood your meaning and now wish for clarification.
They might be bored and want to disengage your conversation.
Or, you might have unintentionally hit an emotional hot button and upset them.
For whatever reason, they are uneasy with what you are saying, and until you deal with whatever's causing the yellow signal, you will not be communicating.
Yellow body-language includes, but is not limited to, finger tapping, closing a hand, frowning, grimacing, raising an eyebrow, holding up a finger, taking a sudden breath, sitting back, cocking a head, crossing arms, turning away, or not looking at a speaker.
Red body language indicates that your listeners are not listening, nor do they wish to listen.
They are either angry and upset, or nervous and intimidated.
Red body language means that you are in danger of causing a misunderstanding if you continue to push your point, so you had better repair the relationship before continuing.
When people turn their backs on you and you keep talking, you are ignoring a very powerful signal and making a bad situation worse.
Red body-language includes, but is not limited to, making a fist, moving away, shaking a head, invasion of personal space, refusing eye contact, flapping hands, frozen postures and any abrupt or violent movement.
Now, I bet that you know at least one automobile driver who acts as though the colors on a traffic signal have the following meaning: Red, stop; green, go; yellow, go faster.
In fact, have you ever sped up for a yellow traffic light in order to beat the red? More importantly, have you ever torn through someone's yellow body language in order to make your point? Usually when people see yellow body language, they rush ahead with their logic instead of slowing down and letting their listeners catch up.
They ignore even the most obvious body signals, crashing into disagreements, ramming into misunderstandings and wondering why nobody ever listens to them.
Brian Tracy, author of Advanced Selling Strategies, suggests that the difference between socially-adept people and socially-inept people is often determined by that person's ability to read and respond effectively to body language.
Most people read body language extremely well; however, precious few are able to respond quickly and effectively to what that body language is actually communicating.
We tend to go ahead and push forward with our words, when the signals coming from people are silently screaming for us to yield.
Someone turns away from us, yet we follow that person out of the room.
Someone raises a hand towards us, but we raise our voice and steam ahead.
When we don't respond intelligently to body signals, we create communication problems everywhere.
If someone is sending you green body-signals, it means that you're in rapport and communicating, so you should feel free to keep speaking.
However, if someone is sending you yellow body-signals, you should slow down and establish understanding rather than continue speaking.
Whenever you rush through a yellow signal, you're in danger of a colliding with a belief, tearing into an opinion, or slamming into an ego; so slow down and establish green signals.
You can always make your point later, when the person with whom you are communicating is once again open and focused on what you have to say.
If you wait for a green signal before you proceed, you will be much more likely to make your point because the person with whom you are speaking will actually be listening.
Finally, red-body signals mean that the relationship has collided.
You'd better stop everything and back off.
Give them the space they need to maneuver, or else you'll both sink.
Grant them some leeway until they cool down and begin sending you green signals again.