How to Change Stuck Communication Patterns in Relationships
All of us know how wonderful it feels when one is totally at ease with another person.
Conversation runs smoothly and there is a sense of freedom in saying whatever one wants to say.
When people first fall in love with each other there is the joy of being totally accepted by the other person.
Each person is focused on wanting to know all about the other and how to please the other.
How does one sustain that feeling? As relationships progress there is a normal change from focusing on the other to also focusing on self.
How couples manage this step has a lot to do with their feelings of satisfaction with their relationship.
Being able to manage both: care for self and care for the relationship is what keeps relationships healthy.
In my work with hundreds if couples I have found that frequently communication does not improve until there is a realignment of the relationship system.
In order to apply communication tools there needs to be a sense of equal worth.
The best communication skills can be undermined by the unspoken balance that the couple has created.
Generally they are not even aware as to why they can not change their pattern of communication.
Couples in their second half of life who have been in relationships for years may find themselves frustrated by the repetitiveness of their interactions.
To get unstuck there are a few important steps to keep in mind.
1.
Look at who has the power This can be out in the open or very subtle.
It has to do with expectations that each has of the other.
For instance, if a woman believes that men have more power she will act in a way that makes her more dependent.
Our inner belief systemdetermines how we act in relationships.
Step back and look objectively at your inner messages and you will be on the road to changing how you respond.
2.
Think in terms of I and WE simultaneously This is the key to healthy relationships.
It is finding a balance whereby you take responsibility for yourself but not at the expense of your partner.
You make sure that you take care of yourselfso you can stand on your own two feet emotionally and in all other ways as necessary.
That way you can be a true partner.
3.
Embrace equality True intimacy is based on seeing each other as having equal worth.
Equality of worth allows love to flourish between you while allowing love to flourish.
You will have different roles in the relationship but when there is a sense of equality there will be respect for your partner.
Conversation runs smoothly and there is a sense of freedom in saying whatever one wants to say.
When people first fall in love with each other there is the joy of being totally accepted by the other person.
Each person is focused on wanting to know all about the other and how to please the other.
How does one sustain that feeling? As relationships progress there is a normal change from focusing on the other to also focusing on self.
How couples manage this step has a lot to do with their feelings of satisfaction with their relationship.
Being able to manage both: care for self and care for the relationship is what keeps relationships healthy.
In my work with hundreds if couples I have found that frequently communication does not improve until there is a realignment of the relationship system.
In order to apply communication tools there needs to be a sense of equal worth.
The best communication skills can be undermined by the unspoken balance that the couple has created.
Generally they are not even aware as to why they can not change their pattern of communication.
Couples in their second half of life who have been in relationships for years may find themselves frustrated by the repetitiveness of their interactions.
To get unstuck there are a few important steps to keep in mind.
1.
Look at who has the power This can be out in the open or very subtle.
It has to do with expectations that each has of the other.
For instance, if a woman believes that men have more power she will act in a way that makes her more dependent.
Our inner belief systemdetermines how we act in relationships.
Step back and look objectively at your inner messages and you will be on the road to changing how you respond.
2.
Think in terms of I and WE simultaneously This is the key to healthy relationships.
It is finding a balance whereby you take responsibility for yourself but not at the expense of your partner.
You make sure that you take care of yourselfso you can stand on your own two feet emotionally and in all other ways as necessary.
That way you can be a true partner.
3.
Embrace equality True intimacy is based on seeing each other as having equal worth.
Equality of worth allows love to flourish between you while allowing love to flourish.
You will have different roles in the relationship but when there is a sense of equality there will be respect for your partner.
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