I know, I know.
Yellow cabs are screeching to a halt.
Manolo Blahniks are breaking at the heel.
Cosmopolitans are falling off trays everywhere.
I am probably the only person with a lacy bra and a martini glass that asked for this movie to stop before it even started.
For the love of strappy sandals, Sarah Jessica, why do it ? I was not always like this.
Come on - I LOVE the show.
Every week's episode was a validation of my singlehood, sisterhood and sex-sterhood.
But as the years have passed - yes, YEARS - "I cannot help but wonder": WHAT THE HELL WILL THE MOVIE BE ABOUT? WILL IT EVEN BE FUNNY? Let's see: Rumor has it one story line involves Charlotte on a quest for her new baby in China - with Miranda in tow.
Ugh.
Another rumored story line deals with Carrie planning her wedding to Big.
Yawn.
Who the hell knows what to do with Samantha.
Seriously.
Think about it.
So what is there to pursue that has not already been done? I want shock, I want steam, and I want to laugh, dammit! As a cub reporter on all things SATC, I have performed an informal survey as to which fans will see the movie or even care.
First, I asked My Girls.
Turns out they are as skeptical as I am.
I mean, how do you top some of the series' story lines? And if not - how can you recreate them...
? There were the comic moments: Funky Spunk...
Batman and the Green Bee...
Chicks with Dicks...
Model-izers...
She Can Reach Me, But I Can Never Reach Her...
The Princess and The Pee...
Friar F*ck...
Seamen at Twelve O'Clock (I hope she means a group of sailors)...
And the red hot moments: Big and Carrie in the hotel elevator...
Samantha and Richard at the pool...
Carrie's reunion with Aidan...
Charlotte and the Gardener (omigod)...
the Russian's black cherry kiss...
the $1,000 night with the French man...
Miranda and Walker against the wall...
We just don't know how the writers will do it.
So, after My Girls' input, I have concluded they will take a pass.
Naturally, my next move was to question My Gays.
DAMN.
Hearing of my treason, they almost burned me at the Prada stake.
Seems they are completely in the know and my rumored plot lines are SO out the window...
They were all a-buzz about a pregnant Charlotte fighting Big, then going into labor with Big to the rescue (okay, sounds more interesting than China)...
Seems that Jennifer Hudson signed on to be Carrie's gopher (not bad - at least it will be fun to see Carrie get pushed around by the diva)...
No Stanford yet (!?!), but Mario Cantone's Anthony is definitely returning (always a winning scene stealer in my book)...
...
and casting calls have gone looking for four women rumored to be the girls in flashbacks (no clue - actually sounds kinda stupid)...
Regardless, My Gays finished every tidbit with, "Grrrl, how can you NOT see it? Just for the clothes alone?" Sigh.
No matter my stand, I will see the movie.
Who am I kidding? I am just as anxious to come home to those familiar faces and good ol' New York as the next Singleton.
Not to mention basking in the fabulous-ness of being a girly-girl and all that entails.
Who knows - I might even get some new tips on how to carry on as a forty-something rather than a thirty-something...
I just hope it doesn't suck.