33 Ways You Can Help A Sick or Caregiving Friend
Updated October 15, 2014.
Written or reviewed by a board-certified physician. See About.com's Medical Review Board.
If someone in your neighborhood, church, or community group develops an illness or is injured, it can be tempting to say to their family "please let me know if there's anything I can do to help."
Don't do it!
The problem with that always well-intentioned offer is that if a family member or friend is already feeling overwhelmed, they won't have the time or the energy to figure out what they need. Instead, offer very specific help. You can start with some of the ideas below.
Got the gift of gab? Offer to help your friend to:
Make phone calls to local and national agencies (for example, the American Cancer Society) to find financial or other support or tricks to get less expensive prescription medications.
Help them fight for needed governmental services such as disability or food stamps
Negotiate with the hospital billing people
Negotiate with unhelpful people at their insurance company
Help them with writing complaint letters for shoddy care or other consumer healthcare difficulties
When illness or injury stretches a budget thin, gift certificates can come in handy. See if your friends could use a gift card for:
Grocery delivery service
General restaurant delivery service (such as Seamless or Grubhub)
Local pizza place; pizza is always good when you have visiting relatives or folks in from out of town because it feeds a large group and leftovers can easily be frozen for later meals.
Chain drugstore
Taxi/car service
Cleaning service
Child care (you can often set up a fund through the babystting matching websites)
As hard as it is for most people to accept help, it's even harder when the tasks they need help with are basic housekeeping. But if you're close with the family and have spent time in their home, you can ask if they need help with:
Pet care. If anyone in the home is immunocompromised (eg they are on chemo) it's an especially kind offer to change the cat box.
Laundry; if the family doesn't want you handling their more delicate matters, suggest they pre-sort and put together a bag of laundry without underwear.
Cleaning
Fixing things around the house
Taking care of outdoor maintenance
Shoe polishing; it might sound random, but if a family member is seriously ill or a funeral is planned, polishing dress shoes can be a very generous and needed gift
Being sick isn't easy and sometimes small things that enhance a patient's comfort feel like big things. Would the patient like:
A soft knit cap, especially someone on chemo who might be losing their hair.
Noise-cancelling headphones for use in the hospital or during procedures such as radiation or chemo
Soft comfortable socks
Sitting around in pajamas all day can get depressing: perhaps the sick person would like some sweats that are just as comfy but feel more stylish.
When a parent or sibling is sick, the whole family suffers. If you are close to the family, kids included, it can be really helpful to engage them in some one on one time:
If you are a close friend of the family, offer to be present at a recital, ballgame, or other event where there wouldn't normally be an adult present
Help shop for clothes especially at the change of seasons and back to school (often kids do better with folks who aren't their parents)
Help pick up school supplies
Bring kids art supplies to help them express some of their feelings when they can't use words
When you bring food to the house, bring extra portions of kid friendly food frozen in child-sized portions so they can be taken for lunch.
Sometimes a whole group of people might want to chip in to pool their resources. Perhaps you could offer:
An ebook reader or tablet as well as a gift certificate to go with it so they can start out with some books.
Plane ticket for friend or relative who would be available to come help with caregiving but doesn't have the money to travel. Friends could also contribute air miles for this purpose.
If you need some more ideas on how to help a caregiving or sick friend, we've added even more thoughts on the companion piece.
Written or reviewed by a board-certified physician. See About.com's Medical Review Board.
If someone in your neighborhood, church, or community group develops an illness or is injured, it can be tempting to say to their family "please let me know if there's anything I can do to help."
Don't do it!
The problem with that always well-intentioned offer is that if a family member or friend is already feeling overwhelmed, they won't have the time or the energy to figure out what they need. Instead, offer very specific help. You can start with some of the ideas below.
•If You're Good at Talking with People
Got the gift of gab? Offer to help your friend to:
Make phone calls to local and national agencies (for example, the American Cancer Society) to find financial or other support or tricks to get less expensive prescription medications.
Help them fight for needed governmental services such as disability or food stamps
Negotiate with the hospital billing people
Negotiate with unhelpful people at their insurance company
Help them with writing complaint letters for shoddy care or other consumer healthcare difficulties
•Gift Cards
When illness or injury stretches a budget thin, gift certificates can come in handy. See if your friends could use a gift card for:
Grocery delivery service
General restaurant delivery service (such as Seamless or Grubhub)
Local pizza place; pizza is always good when you have visiting relatives or folks in from out of town because it feeds a large group and leftovers can easily be frozen for later meals.
Chain drugstore
Taxi/car service
Cleaning service
Child care (you can often set up a fund through the babystting matching websites)
•Chores in the House
As hard as it is for most people to accept help, it's even harder when the tasks they need help with are basic housekeeping. But if you're close with the family and have spent time in their home, you can ask if they need help with:
Pet care. If anyone in the home is immunocompromised (eg they are on chemo) it's an especially kind offer to change the cat box.
Laundry; if the family doesn't want you handling their more delicate matters, suggest they pre-sort and put together a bag of laundry without underwear.
Cleaning
Fixing things around the house
Taking care of outdoor maintenance
Shoe polishing; it might sound random, but if a family member is seriously ill or a funeral is planned, polishing dress shoes can be a very generous and needed gift
•Comfort Gifts
Being sick isn't easy and sometimes small things that enhance a patient's comfort feel like big things. Would the patient like:
A soft knit cap, especially someone on chemo who might be losing their hair.
Noise-cancelling headphones for use in the hospital or during procedures such as radiation or chemo
Soft comfortable socks
Sitting around in pajamas all day can get depressing: perhaps the sick person would like some sweats that are just as comfy but feel more stylish.
•When Kids Are Involved
When a parent or sibling is sick, the whole family suffers. If you are close to the family, kids included, it can be really helpful to engage them in some one on one time:
If you are a close friend of the family, offer to be present at a recital, ballgame, or other event where there wouldn't normally be an adult present
Help shop for clothes especially at the change of seasons and back to school (often kids do better with folks who aren't their parents)
Help pick up school supplies
Bring kids art supplies to help them express some of their feelings when they can't use words
When you bring food to the house, bring extra portions of kid friendly food frozen in child-sized portions so they can be taken for lunch.
•Big Ticket Items
Sometimes a whole group of people might want to chip in to pool their resources. Perhaps you could offer:
An ebook reader or tablet as well as a gift certificate to go with it so they can start out with some books.
Plane ticket for friend or relative who would be available to come help with caregiving but doesn't have the money to travel. Friends could also contribute air miles for this purpose.
If you need some more ideas on how to help a caregiving or sick friend, we've added even more thoughts on the companion piece.
Caregivers Are the Experts on Their Own Lives
If none of these suggestions, work for your friend or their caregiver, offer some time. You can say "I'm free between 8 am and 10 am on Tuesday, if you'd like I can stop by the house and we can figure out what needs to be done then." Concrete gestures means so much more when caregivers are struggling. You don't know how much two hours might mean.
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