People who have never been in the position of caring for someone chronically ill, have no idea the emotional pressure upon the caretaker.
It's been more than 10 years and I can still feel the helplessness and powerlessness that overwhelmed me.
At the time I was responsible for a once vital mother, who could now barely move due to rheumatoid arthritis, and her mother, my beloved grandmother.
My grandmother was physically healthy with a mind decimated by Alzheimers disease.
My mother once said if we combined her mind and my grandmother's body we would have a whole person.
My heart was breaking as I juggled a full-time job, medical appointments and taking care of the social needs of these two once very active women.
The pressure on me was so tremendous I almost broke under it.
What others looking on don't understand, is there is no room for your own needs when caught in this situation - and it is happening more and more all over the country.
Other family members, if present, are often content to let one person handle the full load.
They don't realize that is like asking one person to lift a two-ton truck with bare hands, and one of them tied behind your back.
I remember a therapist telling me to just not do anything for my mom and grandmother and let the other family members take over.
That may seem like an option to force others to take responsibility.
The problem is it would mean someone already dependent upon care would not have food or clean clothes until "others" decided to help...
if they did.
Punishing someone incapacitated to "make" someone else help, presents another cascading list of problems, not the least of which would be the dependent person's own deepening despair and feeling of abandonment.
There are suggestions for caretakers, one being to solicit the help of others.
If money is readily available, you can pay for help.
If not...
Another suggestion is to be sure and take time for yourself.
If you are a caretaker you will ruefully laugh at that one.
Yes, you'd love to have a weekend away from the pressure.
Heck, you'd love to have just a few hours being fully confident your loved one was in good hands.
The problem is that it requires precious minutes, and even more precious energy, to organize the respite.
If you could do it without "spending" the time, it might be possible.
There are only so many minutes in a day, and you use 36 hours worth of them every day.
If you have a loved one caring for a sick or elderly loved one, initiate assisting him or her in having some much needed rest.