How to Include Music in a Funeral Service
- 1). When selecting music for a funeral you need to consider a number of issues. The first generally controls the other choices you can make. If you choose a religious location for the funeral, many have specific requirements, restrictions, and suggestions for the types of music you can have at the service. If you have the funeral at another location, your musical options may be wider.
- 2). Most religious venues will provide you with some kind of guide for funeral planning. With this you generally do get some direction as to how much music and what kind of music they allow and feel will be appropriate for the service.
- 3). Some churches and other religious institutions will allow you to bring in your own musicians, others do not. Be prepared to pay for the Church' s music program whether you use them or not. This can be standard in some Churches and will add to your funeral costs. Some will require you to have the music program approved or restrict you to certain music. For instance, in providing the music for one family funeral, we could use any music that was found in the Church' s hymnal. This was the Pastor's method of controlling the music that could be brought into the Church.
- 4). Know the format of the religious service that is being performed. If you are not familiar with the style of worship yourself, consult with the religious leader and the person in charge of music there to understand your options for planning.
- 5). If you are a musician yourself, consider strongly if you wish to perform as well as plan the music for the service. Having done a few services for close family members, it is a real gift to the family, however it is emotionally draining. You need to know this is something you can handle on the day of the service. It may not be a bad idea to consider hiring the local Church musician to participate, or gathering friends who can work with you to complete the program.
- 6). There are of course traditional funeral hymns to choose but consider the wishes of family and friends as well. Some families choose life affirming music that still meets the institutional requirements. Remember the job is to help people mourn and grieve. If there are pieces that help your family and friends that are not traditional burial hymns consider using them.
- 7). Do consider using the favorite music of the deceased. As I was reminded, music is a powerful memory trigger. What ever music you choose, when you hear it again, be prepared to have memories flood back. I had to walk out of Church two weeks after a funeral I sung at because I chose a common song that was uplifting, comforting, and often sung at many Churches. It follows me regularly. You may want to consider what memories you want associated with songs you choose.
- 8). While you may have specific wishes regarding the music for the funeral, do give some consideration to music director at the Church is telling you. Most of them do have experience with the process. While it may seem frustrating, there are often reasons for the restrictions being given you. If you have any specific requests, concerns, or frustrations that you just can not seem to get answers for, do seek guidance from the Pastor or leader of the religious institution. Some people can get on a power trip and going to a higher level can help you determine if your request is achievable or if there really are reasons it is not appropriate for the venue.
- 9). Consider the guests and the weather when planning how much music to consider. Many traditional religious services are long when there is no music included at all. While music can add beauty and peace to a service, consider the comfort of your guests, especially if heat is a factor. There are still many older Churches that do not provide air conditioning in the summer and some services still ask for music at the grave side. Music should add to the service, not the suffering.
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If you are having a service outside a religious institution, you may have more options regarding the music you choose for the service. Many religious institutions do not allow you to choose pop music, or any non-religious music as part of your service. If this is something you want to include, funeral planning at an alternate location may be something to contemplate. Funeral arrangements, music included, tend to be a bit more flexible when outside the formal format of a religious institution. - 11
Your funeral director should be able to help you discover your options for music, should you go this route. People use both taped and live music. A good director can help you with funeral planning, complete with musical options. - 12
Do include a funeral program for the guests. If you are including music list the names of the hymns and the pages the guests can find them on. The program should be designed for guests to participate. Check with the Church or the Funeral Home if you want to print the actual music. There are copy write issues that need to be addressed.
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