Unrealistic belief: If I am effective with one client, I will be effective with every client.
Reasonable expectation: I will not be the best match for every client.
I personally cannot believe that someone, (a helper) would think that they could be effective with every single client they come in contact with.
To be honestly realistic we must realize that there will be some people that we just cannot reach through no fault of our own.
Could be that the client has prior issues with our sex or race or he/she feels that we talk to loud or too quietly.
Yes, being successful with one client can boost our self-esteem, but we need to keep our egos in check.
If a situation would arise in that a client wished to terminate a counseling relationship with me, I would like to believe that I would not be disappointed.
However knowing my personal emotions and myself, I do realize that I would feel hurt and rejected.
The way that I would handle this would be to speak with my co-workers or if I am not comfortable with that ask my supervisor for supervision.
Unrealistic Belief: Sometimes I feel incompetent; therefore, I am not competent.
Reasonable Expectation: There will be many times in my training and work as a helper when I will feel incompetent.
It goes with the territory.
The unrealistic belief here states that if I feel incompetent I must be incompetent.
People fail, helpers don't reach every single client.
Sometimes our greatest intentions are foiled by a few harsh words from one of our clients.
In some cases, no matter what we do or say or how we say it, nothing will make the 'click' in the clients rational.
We are not super human, nor are we sub human, sometimes I need to learn for myself that I am just plain human, and sometimes I AM incompetent while at other times I can be way above the bar.
Recently I attended a conference in Baltimore, MD and had the honor of meeting Dr.
Long, author of "Dealing with Angry Kids".
He not only showed videos of great successes but also kids with emotional issues in the early stages of treatment; in other words, kids that can make you quit.
After his speech I had to ask the question, Dr.
Long why didn't you quit? He replied, "I made my hardest, toughest, most disgusting kids my teachers.
They made me feel like I was a failure and I wanted to know why, so I literally followed them around until we built a report and we continued our relationship from there.
".
I felt he was saying that he did not shy away from these kids, did not let them push him away, and he began to gain confidence in himself from there.
Unrealistic Belief: If the client is not motivated it is my fault.
Reasonable expectation: Although I can stimulate clients to consider making changes, I cannot force them.
I just love this unrealistic assumption.
To honestly believe that I as the helper has any control over a clients feelings of motivation is absurd.
However I can understand how this idea can come to be.
We as helpers in a counseling relationship can manipulate the emotions of our clients but how responsible is that.
I do believe that sometimes that needs to be done however the helper must truly understand what they are doing before they do it.
If someone doesn't want to learn how to balance their checkbook and refuses to learn, how are we to force them? That is just not possible.
My beliefs about helping others that I feel are realistic are simple; if someone wants help and comes to you for it, that person has reached the first step and is ready.
After that, you are responsible for your role to help them, within reason of course.
I believe that you should not lie to a client, and as a helper should never make promises that you cannot keep.
I feel that it is totally realistic for someone in the counseling profession to know themselves.
By this I mean for the helper to know their skills and values, as well as their limitations.
I believe that I must know where my own boundaries are before I start to help another person to learn theirs.