When your brothers told you the doctor said Mom had Alzheimer's, you gave up your job to come home and look after her.
You wanted to do that.
It's been a month now and Mom doesn't seem pleased to have you around.
You ask yourself, what's wrong? Why's she so tense and nervous while you are exhausted? What's wrong in this picture? I know you.
You're the woman who comes to the support group and doesn't say much till near the end.
Then you ask a question.
"What can I do to help my Mom get better?" That's why you and your Mom are exhausted and uneasy together.
It's a wonderful thing that you want to fix your Mom but I'd suggest you leave that to medical science.
Right now, we don't seem to know what to do about dementia.
It's the most researched medical problem in the world, so let them get on with that work.
You can certainly pray and meditate too.
Prayer is powerful.
It doesn't necessarily always fix disease but it certainly supports heart and spirit.
However, you do love your Mom and that's something only you can do.
So, what you both need is to relax together.
Let go of your wish to save your Mom and instead concentrate on making each day pleasing and easy for both of you.
Grow your spirit, let go of the brain cells side of stuff.
I know there are reports and studies which say that dementia is held back by special use of the brain.
If that's so, why did those Nobel Prize winners have it.
I've watched how puzzles and crosswords make people with dementia deeply upset and more confused, because they actually just can't do them.
Trying to make someone with dementia do a puzzle, answer a memory test, guess what day it is is at least distressing, if not plain cruel.
Obviously if you could remember what day it was, you'd be doing that without a thought.
I'm not a supporter of the enforced brain activity school of dementia care.
I'm with the oh-what-the-heck-have-lots-of-fun-however-you-can school of mindless pleasure.
I think our task as caregivers is to support well-being, help life be easier and growing happiness.
Brain cells I leave to science and miracles to God.
For me, it's okay you have dementia.
See, I often think outsiders actually think that people with dementia could choose not to have it by just working hard enough.
And to those people, I say Phooey.
People with dementia can be smart, funny, witty and weird.
You can have a great time with the right person with dementia and they can have a great time with me.
Because to me, as a caregiver, it's all about them.
I'll do whatever i can to create humor and laughter in your day because you'll have more fun and so will I.
And, by the way, those extra endorphins raise brain function much higher while they're popping -- anything from half an hour ro a couple of hours, in my experience.
So, to help dementia brains, you have fun.
You don't make like it's bad school day.
Once you put down the burden of trying to bring Mom's brain back, you can instead relate with Mom's heart.
Much more rewarding for you both.