What makes a great friend
How many real friends do you really have? Are your friends ? Or are they pulling you down? How to distinguish truly precious relationships
How many actual, 'in the trenches' friends do you think you have? Most people reveal that they have fewer than five, and many said two or three. Does this compare with your situation?
Also, it was generally agreed that authentic friends make life more momentous, and when times are hard, these friends may be the difference between surviving reasonably psychologically unhurt or going down the gurgler! Therefore, it is critical to encourage these friendships since they can be vital to one's enduring joy and happiness.
So what constitutes a great friend compared to a good friend or an acquaintance?
Many people concur on some character traits of a good friend:
1. You are able to trust each other which means that you have no secrets and you honor your assurances, you are always candid.
2. You can rely on each other for help when you are in some type of difficulty but this might not necessarily include every variety of encouragement - e.g. monetary
3. You may not see each other frequently but when you do catch up it is just like the preceding time you met
4. First-rate friends seem to feel when you are anxious or not feeling well, and will take the initiative to ask if there is a dilemma, and will keep asking until they are contented you are okay.
Now we approach to the 'crunch' - what elevates a friend from being a good one to being a first rate one?
The answer is one important and essential quality. It's called "TOUGH LOVE".
This means loving enough to supply criticism that may produce pain in the short term but will be valuable in the long term. Tough love is being prepared to say what a person NEEDS to hear rather than what they DESIRE to hear! This can mean advising a friend to alter a behaviour, approach, belief or value that is harming them or making them unhappy.
This quality is also called empathy. This doesn't imply softness or warm fuzzy feelings. Compassion can be tough, practically brutal when required. It comes from love, but can be offensive, stunning you out of comfort zones when all other methods have failed.
Why is tough love so significant? Because it puts others needs before self-interest. Instead of trying not to offend because we fear losing their friendship, we say what they need to hear for their own gain rather than remaining silent. The concern of losing friends frequently stops us doing the honorable thing since we are acting in selfishness.
The Correct Way to Provide Loving Advice
It's crucial to adhere to certain ground rules when providing this kind of fearless feedback so your friend doesn't feel judged. Great friends appear to comprehend this intuitively:
Begin by saying something like 'John, I have something valuable to say that might assist you. Are you interested to hear it? It is coming from my love for you as a very prized friend and I know if I were you I would want to know. If I have my details incorrect I'll apologise immediately. But please pay attention to what I have to reveal before responding. OK?'
If they are open to the feedback, then away you go. But be wise and follow this process in your response:
1. State the exact issues that you believe are causing difficulties
2. Note the negative effect on the friend's life
3. Make recommendations to your friend on how the matter might be resolved.
For example
John, for a long time now, you have told me you hate your work. You blame your manager, or your tiresome work, but you don't take responsibility for making that choice or doing something concerning it.
This is making you miserable, even despondent, and I can't bear seeing you so unhappy.
You have several talents and passions and successful work experiences that could open other doors for you and make you a happier, more inspired person. You could establish your own business, or find better employment by promoting yourself directly to a short list of chosen employers. I'll do everything I can to help by referring you to people I know, or helping you begin your own business!
Would you feel comfortable providing this kind of feedback to a friend? Would your friends give you this kind of criticism? If so, you know these friends can make your life much more rewarding.
How many actual, 'in the trenches' friends do you think you have? Most people reveal that they have fewer than five, and many said two or three. Does this compare with your situation?
Also, it was generally agreed that authentic friends make life more momentous, and when times are hard, these friends may be the difference between surviving reasonably psychologically unhurt or going down the gurgler! Therefore, it is critical to encourage these friendships since they can be vital to one's enduring joy and happiness.
So what constitutes a great friend compared to a good friend or an acquaintance?
Many people concur on some character traits of a good friend:
1. You are able to trust each other which means that you have no secrets and you honor your assurances, you are always candid.
2. You can rely on each other for help when you are in some type of difficulty but this might not necessarily include every variety of encouragement - e.g. monetary
3. You may not see each other frequently but when you do catch up it is just like the preceding time you met
4. First-rate friends seem to feel when you are anxious or not feeling well, and will take the initiative to ask if there is a dilemma, and will keep asking until they are contented you are okay.
Now we approach to the 'crunch' - what elevates a friend from being a good one to being a first rate one?
The answer is one important and essential quality. It's called "TOUGH LOVE".
This means loving enough to supply criticism that may produce pain in the short term but will be valuable in the long term. Tough love is being prepared to say what a person NEEDS to hear rather than what they DESIRE to hear! This can mean advising a friend to alter a behaviour, approach, belief or value that is harming them or making them unhappy.
This quality is also called empathy. This doesn't imply softness or warm fuzzy feelings. Compassion can be tough, practically brutal when required. It comes from love, but can be offensive, stunning you out of comfort zones when all other methods have failed.
Why is tough love so significant? Because it puts others needs before self-interest. Instead of trying not to offend because we fear losing their friendship, we say what they need to hear for their own gain rather than remaining silent. The concern of losing friends frequently stops us doing the honorable thing since we are acting in selfishness.
The Correct Way to Provide Loving Advice
It's crucial to adhere to certain ground rules when providing this kind of fearless feedback so your friend doesn't feel judged. Great friends appear to comprehend this intuitively:
Begin by saying something like 'John, I have something valuable to say that might assist you. Are you interested to hear it? It is coming from my love for you as a very prized friend and I know if I were you I would want to know. If I have my details incorrect I'll apologise immediately. But please pay attention to what I have to reveal before responding. OK?'
If they are open to the feedback, then away you go. But be wise and follow this process in your response:
1. State the exact issues that you believe are causing difficulties
2. Note the negative effect on the friend's life
3. Make recommendations to your friend on how the matter might be resolved.
For example
John, for a long time now, you have told me you hate your work. You blame your manager, or your tiresome work, but you don't take responsibility for making that choice or doing something concerning it.
This is making you miserable, even despondent, and I can't bear seeing you so unhappy.
You have several talents and passions and successful work experiences that could open other doors for you and make you a happier, more inspired person. You could establish your own business, or find better employment by promoting yourself directly to a short list of chosen employers. I'll do everything I can to help by referring you to people I know, or helping you begin your own business!
Would you feel comfortable providing this kind of feedback to a friend? Would your friends give you this kind of criticism? If so, you know these friends can make your life much more rewarding.
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