A reader asks, "I am a 20 year old openly gay male. I feel as if I am currently stuck in a rut. I go out quite often and usually get complimented on my looks and get my fair share of attention. The problem is that it only ever remains that, attention. The guys will seem very interested and offer me their numbers, yet I would really love to have something go further with a guy instead of only being complimented and being offered hook ups.

 Any advice?"

I would ask, are you also relying on your looks for attention? When I read your comments about a typical night out, it would seem that you have already closed the deal. A guy is attracted to you, confident enough to approach, compliment you then offer his number. This, my friend, is a dream scenario for many singles. So, how do we go from an appropriate flirt to a hook up with no additional phone calls?

The answer is in what you have not mentioned. I'm curious what happens in between their initial hello and your invitation to take him back home? How did the conversation play out, and more clearly, what boundaries did you establish before agreeing to meet for a second time?

The answer to these difficult questions become more clear when we understand that in any scenario, the responses we receive from other people are directly related to the way we communicate our boundaries. And our boundaries are always tied to the way we feel about ourselves.

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For instance, based on your message, your first assumption is that he only wants you for sex, that he is only attracted to your looks. Even though you are much more than this, he can't see it. Is it possible that when he is giving you his number, you have already made this determination? And is it possible that because you are already assuming this that you don't bother speaking clearly that you are not just looking for a hook up? Or on a deeper level, could it be that your assumption that he only wants you for your looks is really you telling yourself that you don't have more to offer?

If you are giving off a vibe that your physical attributes are your golden ticket, then you'll continue to attract those that only want to win the prize. You can change this pattern by first adjusting the way you think about yourself. Sure you're physically attractive, but do you believe in your inner attraction as strongly as you do your outside? If so, how do you communicate this to the guys that approach you?

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Secondly, if you don't want to attract guys for hook ups, then why are you hooking up with them? Once you align your boundaries with your actions, this problem will fade away. Instead of waiting to learn of their intentions, state your own clearly and in the beginning! Tell him what you are looking for and ask him if he's interested in the same. If his answer isn't satisfactory, then pass on the opportunity. You also might want to wait to have sex until you are sure he's what you're looking for. Once you believe that you're more than a pretty face the types of guys you meat will respond with the respect you're seeking.