Updated June 08, 2015.

Caring for a disabled parent can be a trying experience for the inexperienced. When a child goes from being an independent adult to perhaps suddenly caring for an aging parent, the dynamics of their relationship is flipped. To make things more difficult, the parent may be an unwilling participant, resisting help and saying things that may cause hurt feelings. If you have found yourself in this predicament, take heart.

It is possible to continue to be a thoughtful caregiver without being beat up, figuratively or literally, in the process.

1. Know when to ask for help. One of the biggest complaints new caregivers have is that they want to try and manage the situation without asking strangers for assistance. Unfortunately, medical issues often push caregivers to their own physical limits, and eventually something has to give. Caring for someone, especially if there is no previous experience, is a time consuming process, even in the best situation. It is also a physical job requiring both strength and mental stamina.

There are several ways to handle the physical and mental demands of caregiving. First, find out if there are medical devices that can make your job easier. For example, installing toilet lifts in the bathroom or trapeze bars above a bed can help make lifting jobs easier, so ask the patient’s physician if these items can be used. Second, find out where to get help locally. There are many service agencies that can do shopping, laundry, deliver meals and provide housekeeping for a loved one.

Some of these services are covered under Medicaid, Medicare or through private insurance policies. Find out about your options by speaking with your loved one’s nurse or doctor, who can point you towards local service agencies that can offer you help.

2. Don’t take things personally. Some individuals who are disabled, as well as those who are disabled and elderly, say things they really don’t mean. This usually happens when they are either in pain or taking any number of medications. It is easy to become angry and have hurt feelings. Who wouldn’t? However, if you keep in mind that a loved one is in a difficult situation, it is easier to forgive and forget. One caveat, however. If a loved one has a sudden personality change, it is important to notify their physician immediately. A personality change can signal a medical problem or adverse reaction to a prescription medication.

3. Consider a Medical Power of Attorney. A medical power of attorney allows another individual to make financial decisions while a loved one is under medical care. It is different than a simple power of attorney because it is only used for the duration of someone’s care while they are in a medical facility. The purpose of the medical power of attorney is to allow a family caregiver to pay bills and keep the loved one’s affairs in place while they are receiving medical care. It does not extend beyond the end of the medical treatment. It is important to discuss this with a loved one before they are receiving medical care because the form needs to be notarized. Most hospitals do not have a notary on staff to perform this duty. A Medical Power of Attorney form can be downloaded from various websites on the Internet.