Parenting is one of the greatest challenges a man or woman might experience in a lifetime.

Good parenting skills are required to create and maintain a home where children are encouraged and can develop into happy, self-confident successful adults.

But mostly, due to no fault of their own, parents come into the job with limited awareness and skills. Most of what they learned about parenting came from how they were parented. Now that's a frightening thought when you consider how many adults suffered the consequences of inadequate parenting and lack of guidance while growing up. 

Although in the past, parenting was thought of as "woman's job and being the breadwinner was considered the man's job," the picture has changed considerably.

Today's family is not the family of the past. It could be a two-parent home, a single parent home, foster home or grandparents raising grandchildren. But regardless of the composition of the family children still learn about themselves and others through observing the adults in their life.

Children miss nothing and hear everything. With that thought in mind you have a basic picture of how kids learn or don't learn about family values/morals, rules, consequences, beliefs self-respect and respect for others.

Most, parents do the best they can with what they know, but that doesn't mean they can't learn to do better.

Often parents unconsciously project onto their children negative pieces of their own past forgetting that their children are not them. This type of projection puts children at risk of developing negative feelings such as; low self-esteem, fearfulness, anger and insecurities.

As an example, a boy may not receive much love or attention from his father, as an adult and parent he may be jealous of the attention and love his son receives or is unable to express his love and affection for his son.

A young girl didn't feel safe growing up and was confused about her sexuality, as an adult and parent she becomes over protective and controlling and often unable to relax and enjoy her daughter.

Other than the typical testing of the family rules, children who have serious behavioral problems more often than not have experienced family dysfunction and/or inappropriate parenting.

Below are some examples of issues that create ineffective parenting and family dysfunction.          

• Alcohol, drug, sexual, emotional or physical abuse
• Poor listing skills
• Selfishness
• Unresolved childhood issues 
• Anger issues
• Jealousy issues
• Inability to be nurturing
• Fear of intimacy
• Words not matching actions

These are only a few of the issues that can interfere with becoming a supportive and encouraging parent. The truth is these types of issues don't go away. The cure requires greater insight, understanding, support and proper tools to conquer them. Counseling provides all of this and it offers solutions.  

Here are a few signs to help alert you that your child is in trouble and counseling should be seriously considered.

• Acting-out
• Withdrawn and sullen
• Anxious, depressed or both
• Doing poorly in school
• Difficulty making or keeping friends
• Doesn't bring friends home
• Anger issues
• Lying   
• Lack of respect for authority
• Avoids interacting with family members

Couples no longer have to muddle through or parent by trial and error. They can reach out for help without feeling frustrated or inadequate as a parent. They can accept that a role as important as parenting requires education and many skills. We simply can't give to children what we ourselves never had.

Counseling can help you discover why and where you might be stuck and how to get unstuck.

The benefits of counseling are many and can offer outcomes that create happier households.