"Why Am I Gay?" and Other Teen Questions About GLBT Life
"Why Am I Gay?" and Other Teen Questions About GLBT Life
Over the years, I have run workshops on GLBT issues at high schools and colleges where participants will ask anonymous questions on pieces of paper. These are questions like, why am I gay?,what is a bisexual?, and is lesbianism ok?
From the start I was so intrigued by the questions that I held on to them. These days, I have hundreds of questions scribbled on tiny pieces of paper, occupying a few shoe boxes on my desk.
Here, along with the answers, are a few of my favorites...
Oh, and for the record, so far as scientists can tell, there is no one gay gene.
Why Do Gays and Lesbians Think They Were Born That Way?
A lot of people feel that sexual orientation is part of our natural biological make-up, formed by factors that are in place long before we are born. Scientists have been searching for a gay gene and exploring the role that hormones might play in determining sexual orientation. And while no gay gene has been found, there is more and more evidence pointing to biological causes.
While for some people it takes a while to figure out sexual orientation, a lot of gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals have known they weren't straight (or heterosexual) since earliest childhood, saying, they always felt a little different than their peers, and the idea that their families or environment made them gay, doesn't make a lot of sense..
It is also important to consider why we don't ask more straight people if they think they were born that way. A big reason we don't, is because most people only think that sexual orientation is something you choose, or in our control, when that orientation isn't straight.
The bottom line is, whatever the cause of sexual orientation, you can't "turn" someone gay and you can't change your sexual orientation. We are who we are, and hopefully, that is something we will be able to feel comfortable with and appreciate.
Can You Get an STD from Gay Sex?
It sounds like you are asking about risks of STDs for gay men and lesbians. Often we assume that gay men are the most likely to pass or contract an STD during sex. You might have even heard someone say, "Gay sex is more risky for STD's than straight sex." I know I've heard this, but I also know that this is not an accurate statement.
In fact, anyone who has sex, is at risk. That is true whether you are gay or straight, male or female.
Still, certain sex acts do pose a greater risk for the transmission of certain infections than others. But none of these acts are limited to GLBT individuals.
According to the New York City Department of Health:
More than worrying about whether one person is more likely to transmit or contract an infection than another, a better bet would be to consistently practice safe sex and get tested for infections on a regular basis.
How Do I Know if Somebody is Gay?
Here's the thing: there is no real way. Sure, there may be signs and hints that someone is gay, but there are no universal signs or hints that apply to everyone all the time.
The only surefire way to find out if someone is gay, is to ask. As one teen says, "[I only think] a guy is gay if he's out of the closet. I'm done guessing and assuming." Another puts it simply, "Without a direct answer of "yes" or "no," you can't tell for sure."
If you are gay yourself, you could consider coming out to the person. This might prompt another GLBT teen to do the same. But it might not. Again, this tactic can be hit or miss.
Another idea is to ask some questions, like "So, what do you think of gay marriage?" Or, "Think you might join the GSA?" Keep in mind, the answers might not prove anything conclusive, but they might be a good way to start a conversation about being gay.
While plenty of people believe in the bible and use it to guide their decisions, plenty of others don't. In North America, at least, there is a separation between church and state and marriage here is not a religious institution.
It is a civil one. While people may choose to have a religious marriage, there is no legal requirement to do so and an opposite sex couple can get married by a judge or justice of the peace with no religious aspect at all.
Additionally, using the Bible to oppose gay marriage is problematic for a few reasons. For one thing, everyone interprets Biblical passages differently. No where in the Bible does it explicitly say "gay marriage is banned." There are some passages condemning men for having sex with other men, but there are far more condemning men and women for having certain types of sex with each other.
For many people, the main issues is that in all but five American states, and 8 countries, marriage is a privilege denied to same sex couples. For those of us who believe in equality, allowing everyone the same legal rights, is far more important that banning gay marriage due to religious views that not everyone shares.
According to the website Avert.org, "LGBT youth are coming out younger than ever before. Studies have shown that the average age gay and lesbian young people begin the process of coming out is now 16, compared to the 1980's when it was between 19 and 23."
Even if you are comfortable announcing your sexual orientation, deciding when to come out can be tough.
Though TV shows and movies may make it seem as if people come out in one big dramatic announcement made over the school's PA system, for most people coming out is more of a process.
Just because there are "average" ages that people come out, that doesn't mean that you will be ready to come out then, or that anything is wrong with you if you come out earlier or later.
Though coming out can be an amazing experience, it is important to think about your reasons for coming out before taking the plunge. Coming out at any age can be challenging, but because teens tend to live with their families, there are a few unique issues young people need to think about. For example, will coming out jeopardize my situation at home? Is it safe, physically and emotionally, for me to come out to my parents? And, do I have resources available (both emotional and financial) if coming out changes my situation at home? Answering these questions can help you decide when it is best to come out!
Over the years, I have run workshops on GLBT issues at high schools and colleges where participants will ask anonymous questions on pieces of paper. These are questions like, why am I gay?,what is a bisexual?, and is lesbianism ok?
From the start I was so intrigued by the questions that I held on to them. These days, I have hundreds of questions scribbled on tiny pieces of paper, occupying a few shoe boxes on my desk.
Here, along with the answers, are a few of my favorites...
Oh, and for the record, so far as scientists can tell, there is no one gay gene.
Why Do Gays and Lesbians Think They Were Born That Way?
"Why do many gay / lesbians think they were born that way (not straight)?"
A lot of people feel that sexual orientation is part of our natural biological make-up, formed by factors that are in place long before we are born. Scientists have been searching for a gay gene and exploring the role that hormones might play in determining sexual orientation. And while no gay gene has been found, there is more and more evidence pointing to biological causes.
While for some people it takes a while to figure out sexual orientation, a lot of gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals have known they weren't straight (or heterosexual) since earliest childhood, saying, they always felt a little different than their peers, and the idea that their families or environment made them gay, doesn't make a lot of sense..
It is also important to consider why we don't ask more straight people if they think they were born that way. A big reason we don't, is because most people only think that sexual orientation is something you choose, or in our control, when that orientation isn't straight.
The bottom line is, whatever the cause of sexual orientation, you can't "turn" someone gay and you can't change your sexual orientation. We are who we are, and hopefully, that is something we will be able to feel comfortable with and appreciate.
Can You Get an STD from Gay Sex?
"Why is there a risk of disease between gay and lesbian people. What's up with that?"
It sounds like you are asking about risks of STDs for gay men and lesbians. Often we assume that gay men are the most likely to pass or contract an STD during sex. You might have even heard someone say, "Gay sex is more risky for STD's than straight sex." I know I've heard this, but I also know that this is not an accurate statement.
In fact, anyone who has sex, is at risk. That is true whether you are gay or straight, male or female.
Still, certain sex acts do pose a greater risk for the transmission of certain infections than others. But none of these acts are limited to GLBT individuals.
According to the New York City Department of Health:
"Unprotected anal sex is the greatest sexual risk for spreading HIV. Receptive anal intercourse is 5 times riskier than receptive vaginal intercourse and 50 times riskier than receptive oral sex. Insertive anal or vaginal intercourse is 10 times riskier than insertive oral sex. Oral sex is less risky than other penetrative sexual activities, but is not without risk for both partners."
More than worrying about whether one person is more likely to transmit or contract an infection than another, a better bet would be to consistently practice safe sex and get tested for infections on a regular basis.
How Do I Know if Somebody is Gay?
"How do I know if somebody is gay?"
Here's the thing: there is no real way. Sure, there may be signs and hints that someone is gay, but there are no universal signs or hints that apply to everyone all the time.
The only surefire way to find out if someone is gay, is to ask. As one teen says, "[I only think] a guy is gay if he's out of the closet. I'm done guessing and assuming." Another puts it simply, "Without a direct answer of "yes" or "no," you can't tell for sure."
If you are gay yourself, you could consider coming out to the person. This might prompt another GLBT teen to do the same. But it might not. Again, this tactic can be hit or miss.
Another idea is to ask some questions, like "So, what do you think of gay marriage?" Or, "Think you might join the GSA?" Keep in mind, the answers might not prove anything conclusive, but they might be a good way to start a conversation about being gay.
"Biblical books say homosexuality is wrong (in their own words). Where do gays / lesbians get their reasoning for believing they should have the same rights as heterosexuals when it comes to marriage?"
While plenty of people believe in the bible and use it to guide their decisions, plenty of others don't. In North America, at least, there is a separation between church and state and marriage here is not a religious institution.
It is a civil one. While people may choose to have a religious marriage, there is no legal requirement to do so and an opposite sex couple can get married by a judge or justice of the peace with no religious aspect at all.
Additionally, using the Bible to oppose gay marriage is problematic for a few reasons. For one thing, everyone interprets Biblical passages differently. No where in the Bible does it explicitly say "gay marriage is banned." There are some passages condemning men for having sex with other men, but there are far more condemning men and women for having certain types of sex with each other.
For many people, the main issues is that in all but five American states, and 8 countries, marriage is a privilege denied to same sex couples. For those of us who believe in equality, allowing everyone the same legal rights, is far more important that banning gay marriage due to religious views that not everyone shares.
"What's the average age of when people come out of the closet?"
According to the website Avert.org, "LGBT youth are coming out younger than ever before. Studies have shown that the average age gay and lesbian young people begin the process of coming out is now 16, compared to the 1980's when it was between 19 and 23."
Even if you are comfortable announcing your sexual orientation, deciding when to come out can be tough.
Though TV shows and movies may make it seem as if people come out in one big dramatic announcement made over the school's PA system, for most people coming out is more of a process.
Just because there are "average" ages that people come out, that doesn't mean that you will be ready to come out then, or that anything is wrong with you if you come out earlier or later.
Though coming out can be an amazing experience, it is important to think about your reasons for coming out before taking the plunge. Coming out at any age can be challenging, but because teens tend to live with their families, there are a few unique issues young people need to think about. For example, will coming out jeopardize my situation at home? Is it safe, physically and emotionally, for me to come out to my parents? And, do I have resources available (both emotional and financial) if coming out changes my situation at home? Answering these questions can help you decide when it is best to come out!
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