The expectations of the Christmas season are that it is a time to be spent with family, friends and laughter, but for people in the grieving process, the holidays can exacerbate the feelings of grief, and heighten the solitude one already feels.
While grief is unique to each person mourning, teddy offers some tips for getting through the holiday season, and finding joy in spite of pain and loss.
1.
Be kind to yourself.
Recognize that grief takes time, and your body has had a major blow to it.
Grief can be hard on the body.
If you suffered a broken leg, you would slow down, and stay off of the leg.
When you suffer a broken heart, you need to do the same.
Pamper yourself.
If everything doesn't get done, it doesn't get done.
It's okay.
The holiday season can be hectic, and rushed.
When you are grieving, you need to heal and go slow.
Give yourself permission.
2.
Take a moment and think about the basics of daily living.
Eat a nutritious diet, even in the midst of the cakes, cookies, and high caloric food.
Drink lots of water, and remember to breathe fresh air.
Often times grieving people want to tuck away in their warm beds, avoiding people, places, and things.
Go outside and breathe.
Get adequate sleep each night, and remember to take time to exercise.
You don't need to be Richard Simmons, and exercise with crunches and pushups, but you should do a minimal amount of exercise like walking, or something you enjoy that moves the body.
3.
Find a way to talk about your feelings of loss with people who care about you, and whom you care about.
Recognize that some may love you, but are unable to listen to grief.
It makes them uncomfortable.
Find people to share stories about the departed, with people who are comfortable with the grief process.
4.
Utilize the power of teddy bears to grieve.
Teddy bears are excellent healing tools.
As objects they are natural for infants to clutch and hold onto.
They are also excellent for adults.
While grown men don't naturally reach for a teddy bear, I have yet to see one refuse holding a teddy bear.
5.
Don't allow yourself to be overwhelmed with feeling guilty.
While you may be filled with self loathing comments such as "I should have" done blah, blah, recognize that you did the best for what you knew.
You are not perfect.
If you are feeling like you can't do it all, all the shopping, cooking or decorating, now is the time to share some of the tasks.
It's okay to feel good.
If you find yourself feeling good, and enjoying yourself during the holidays, it is not disrespectful to the deceased.
Your loved one would want you to be enjoying yourself during the holidays.
6.
Establish a ritual in memory of your loved one.
Today is the first anniversary of my father's passing.
I light a candle in his memory, and place a "Dad" Mebear next to it.
I write a poem in his memory, and read it with other family members.
Find your unique way to remember your loved ones this holiday season.
Embrace your memories and find comfort in them.
It is our memories that keep the person with us in spirit.
7.
Celebrate life and living.
You are still here, and the number of days each of us are given are limited.
If you embrace faith, do.
If giving to others makes you feel good, do.
Find some way to make you feel good.
Grief is a normal part of life.
The intensity of feelings will pass with time, and it does take time.
The holiday season can exacerbate the feelings of loss.
The empty place at the table becomes real.
Grief ebbs and flows.
Find meaning in your grief, surround yourself with people who love you, and who you love.
Establish rituals this holiday season that give meaning to not only the life of the departed, but your own life.
While grief is unique to each person grieving, it's really about love, unique to each, common to all.
© Tammy Stoner December 19, 2007