I heard yesterday of the passing of J.
D.
Salinger, which came neither as shock or surprise.
After all, Salinger had lived a long and fruitful life, I think, even though it was fraught with controversy.
And when I heard the news, I began to wonder what he was really like.
Now, in no way do I place myself near his story.
Nothing has transpired with me that could be described as like the life of such a great writer.
Me, I just hack out an article here and there but never with the depth as his.
With that in mind, I thought how my life could be compared not to the author but to his imaginary characters, maybe Seymour Glass in "A Perfect Day for Bananafish.
" I know the feeling of being in a poorly matched relationship and being unable to either right it or leave it.
I can't say that my marriage was arranged, like so many, but I will say it was not considered or studied.
After coming home after a stint in the military, I discovered that my mother, my pastor and many other brothers and sisters had decided on a certain girl in the church was perfect for my mate.
Now these people were not really brothers and sisters but known as that for obvious reasons.
Frankly, having little or no experience with the dating thing, I found myself joining into their game.
I guess that was the best description of what was happening, "game.
" I faintly recall that there was a sense of pleasure and will have to admit that I went along with plan, and only much later realized it was preset and totally out of my control.
To make a long story short, I found myself inundated with a sense of responsibility but with no real commitment.
One year followed another, children came along, and by then there was no real escape.
That is not quite true because I could have bolted and left but that would not have been in keeping with my rearing.
So, I stayed and toiled as any good mate might have done.
After an unbearably long time, the relationship finally came to an end.
My heart and soul was so left in tatters that I found it impossible to gather myself up and start again.
All I had left were bits and pieces of memories that haunt my very life and dreams until this very day.
A decade after the end of the match, I just have some advice to all those young people, and I use that advisedly, and would hope that it is accepted as coming from a very sad and lonely man.
Take it for what it is and, maybe, it will help you all that are in a critical place in your life and your relationships.
My advice is simple in concept but very difficult in reality.
Should you find yourself at a point to make a serious decision about your relationship, I strongly advise you back up and look at what is happening.
Do not make any quick decisions without fully learning and knowing all aspects of the decision.
Is this really what you want? Consider both sides of the problem in the relationship and make sure you make the right decision in the long run.
In other words, think down the road apiece.
Seek some help with whatever you decide, if you have someone that you can trust to be fair in their help.
What I am saying is this...
make sure you make the choice that is right for now as well as years later.
Don't do something that you will regret down the road.
Believe me, I can speak on this with assurance.
Never saddle yourself with the responsibility of choosing a path that may be regretted.
I know from experience, youth is known for snap decisions.
And sometimes that can be a mistake.
Please don't make the same bad choices that have haunted me for a lifetime.
Should you be on the verge of a breakup, now is the time to seek advice.