When you have strayed from your committed relationship by having an affair, dealing with the aftermath is going to be challenging. You have to face dealing with the feelings of your spouse, and with your own feelings. In order to handle it in the most effective way possible, then you must take steps and ask questions on what direction ou want yor future to take.

Accepting responsibility for your actions and their consequences is the crucial first step. Are you willing to admit your mistake? Do you want to go through the possibly very rough road to repair this relationship? If you are no longer in love with your spouse, maybe a new direction is in store. But straying doesn't necessarily mean that you want to end the relationship. The first thing to think about is: if you knew then what you know now, would you do it again? Forget about why you strayed. Those reasons are in the past, and there's no changing what you've done now.

Forgive yourself. Yes that is correct. Even though you maybe filled with guilt and being viewed as the lowest form of life on earth, you must forgive yourself. Many people feel very guilty about their actions and this is a good sign as it indicates remorse but you cannot stay in a guilt frame of mind. The focus has to be on healing. You start healing you first, then everyone else. This may sound selfish but think about it. In order for the wronged spouse to forgive you, the cheating spouse, you must forgive yourself. This concept ties back to the idea that if you don't forgive yourself, how can anyone else forgive you? (It is important to note that self-forgiveness does not negate the seriousness of your actions, nor does it cancel your responsibility for the pain and suffering you have caused your partner). Forgiving yourself does not mean that you are taking the situation lightly. It simply means that you're moving into a position of self worth and strength so you can make the proper decisions and take the appropriate actions to help your relationship. The guilt plan, where you are continuing to beat yourself up over your mistake, keep everyone in a state of helpleness. What is done is done. It is time to focus on the future and healing all those affected by your actions. Once you can forgive yourself, you open the gates to allow forgiveness from your spouse and family.

Patience.

You can expect your partner not to trust you again in the near future. How would you feel if the situation was reversed? If you want the relationship to continue you now have no choice but to be very understanding and patient when your spouse is anxious about where you've been and who you've been talking to. It may take a long time for your spouse to get over this anxiety. The only thing that you can do is commit to being patient, understanding, and comforting when your spouse has those anxious feelings. Prove that you are trustworthy. Make a list of what actions you are taking to help your partner get over the affair and carry out those actions consistently. You'll have to do whatever it takes until your partner finds that trust again. If it requires you checking in with your spouse multiple times a day, then do it. It will require you being where you're supposed to be, when you're supposed to be there until your spouse can trust you again. Control your reactions. If you get defensive because of your spouse's anxiety, he or she will automatically put their guard up, and you'll be right back in the place you were when they found out that you had cheated. Realize that this is part of the price you must pay for your actions.