Remarriage Preparation - Why Time is on Your Side As You Prepare to Remarry
Remarriage is one of those life altering decisions.
It's not something most people decide on a whim.
So if this is the case, why do so few people actively prepare for it? Research shows us that only 20% of people do ANY kind of preparation before a remarriage!! This may have a lot to do with the other staggering statistic...
over 60% of remarriages end in a redivorce.
Oh and by the way, if you've got kids - that number jumps to 75%.
Time seems to be sticking point for people when it comes to preparation.
My experience has been that most people remarry MUCH quicker than they did with their first marriages.
It's almost as if once the decision to remarry is made, people act on it.
I'm here to say, "Whoa, slow down!!" There are a lot of decisions and steps that need to take place before the "I Do's".
Here's just a short list of why you need to take some time...
Let kids get used to the idea - Talk about major life changes! This is a biggie for your kids.
They are going to need some time to digest what all of this will mean for them.
In addition, they need time to come to grips with the fact that their first family will never get back together.
Even though you may have told them this a thousand times, they may still be clinging to hope.
Your intention to remarry permanently kills that hope.
Let the gaga feelings wear off a little to be sure this is THE one - The first 18 months of any relationship is not an accurate picture of who your partner really is.
Only time will show you how compatible the two of you really are.
Only time will let you catch glimpses into their little quirks and idiosyncrasies.
It's only when you see and experience these that you're truly making an informed decision about your partner.
Where will we live? - This is just one in a list of hundreds of decisions that are involved in combining households.
Not only where but which furniture to keep? Who's responsible for what household chores? Daily living needs to be discussed and a plan for how to make it work developed.
See how the ex comes into play - Your partner's ex-spouse will be a part of your life - like it or not.
You need to see how your partner and his/her ex interact.
Is it highly conflictual with drama every weekend? Are they cordial and work together in parenting the kids.
Do parenting schedules get changed at the drop of a hat or is there some stability in the schedule.
All of these will effect your life once you're married so you need to go into the marriage with your eyes wide open.
Relationship building - your kids and your partner need to have the opportunity to get to know each other and begin building their own relationships.
If all of you are going to live under one roof, you've got to figure out how that's going to happen.
It doesn't without planning and preparation.
Your parenting styles may be significantly different.
You may decide you really don't like your partner's kids.
Without adequate time, you'll never discover such things until after your legally bound to one another.
So while emotions may be high and you believe you've found your soul mate, take things slow.
After all, isn't the true definition of a "soul mate" someone who's meant for you? If you're truly meant for one another what does it matter if you get married next month or next year?
It's not something most people decide on a whim.
So if this is the case, why do so few people actively prepare for it? Research shows us that only 20% of people do ANY kind of preparation before a remarriage!! This may have a lot to do with the other staggering statistic...
over 60% of remarriages end in a redivorce.
Oh and by the way, if you've got kids - that number jumps to 75%.
Time seems to be sticking point for people when it comes to preparation.
My experience has been that most people remarry MUCH quicker than they did with their first marriages.
It's almost as if once the decision to remarry is made, people act on it.
I'm here to say, "Whoa, slow down!!" There are a lot of decisions and steps that need to take place before the "I Do's".
Here's just a short list of why you need to take some time...
Let kids get used to the idea - Talk about major life changes! This is a biggie for your kids.
They are going to need some time to digest what all of this will mean for them.
In addition, they need time to come to grips with the fact that their first family will never get back together.
Even though you may have told them this a thousand times, they may still be clinging to hope.
Your intention to remarry permanently kills that hope.
Let the gaga feelings wear off a little to be sure this is THE one - The first 18 months of any relationship is not an accurate picture of who your partner really is.
Only time will show you how compatible the two of you really are.
Only time will let you catch glimpses into their little quirks and idiosyncrasies.
It's only when you see and experience these that you're truly making an informed decision about your partner.
Where will we live? - This is just one in a list of hundreds of decisions that are involved in combining households.
Not only where but which furniture to keep? Who's responsible for what household chores? Daily living needs to be discussed and a plan for how to make it work developed.
See how the ex comes into play - Your partner's ex-spouse will be a part of your life - like it or not.
You need to see how your partner and his/her ex interact.
Is it highly conflictual with drama every weekend? Are they cordial and work together in parenting the kids.
Do parenting schedules get changed at the drop of a hat or is there some stability in the schedule.
All of these will effect your life once you're married so you need to go into the marriage with your eyes wide open.
Relationship building - your kids and your partner need to have the opportunity to get to know each other and begin building their own relationships.
If all of you are going to live under one roof, you've got to figure out how that's going to happen.
It doesn't without planning and preparation.
Your parenting styles may be significantly different.
You may decide you really don't like your partner's kids.
Without adequate time, you'll never discover such things until after your legally bound to one another.
So while emotions may be high and you believe you've found your soul mate, take things slow.
After all, isn't the true definition of a "soul mate" someone who's meant for you? If you're truly meant for one another what does it matter if you get married next month or next year?
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