After finding out that your husband or wife has been unfaithful you go through some very upsetting emotions.
You question a lot of things about your marriage and why your spouse was unfaithful.
One of the common questions that may arise is who is to blame for the affair.
For some this may seem quite obvious but for those involved it is not as simple.
The injured party may very well blame themselves for their spouse having an affair.
They may feel like they have been ignoring their spouse thus driving them into the arms of another to get the love and comfort they were seeking.
The injured party may think they have let themselves go by putting on weight, lounging more frequently in sweat pants etc.
When reflecting back on this the injured party may blame themselves again for not being as attractive as they used to be thus driving their spouse to be unfaithful with someone much more attractive.
Yes the injured party can find many reasons to blame themselves for their spouse having an affair but the bottom line is it is not the victims fault.
The cheating spouse needs to take responsibility for having an affair.
Yes the cheating spouse will likely come up with many reasons why they had an affair and most of them will probably have something to do with your "inadequacy" but the bottom line is if there was a problem it can be resolved in a different way rather than by having an affair.
Once you stop blaming yourself for your partner being unfaithful the next emotion you may feel will be anger.
This is justified.
Who can blame you for being angry when you find out your partner is having an affair.
However you need to work through the anger.
Holding on to that anger can be very hard on you mentally and physically.
It can basically consume you so you are only focused on that and you start to ignore the rest of your life.
This can cause you to become depressed and emotionally exhausted.
After you have gone through the guilt, and the anger has subsided your thoughts may turn to revenge.
Try not to go there.
Just keep in mind the old saying "Two wrongs don't make a right".
You may think since your spouse was having an affair that you should be able to be unfaithful just this once also.
A freebie so to speak.
Is this really how you think you want your relationship to go? Do you not think your time would be better spent healing from the affair and working on your marriage? Studies have shown that those who have gone out and had a payback affair really did not feel any better.
So is it worth it?