If you’re currently without friends or find that you have trouble making them, the problem could be that you’re lying to yourself. Why would you lie? Namely, because admitting the truth kind of stinks. But I promise you that once you embrace the real reason you’re not making friends, it will be that much easier to form friendships.

But first, the lies.

If you’re struggling to make friends, check that you’re not telling yourself one of these:

Lie #1: People Just Don’t Think Friendship Is Important Anymore

When you struggle to make friends, it’s easy to believe it’s because others just don’t care as much about friendship as you do. Perhaps you’ve tried to get in touch with new friends and they’ve been busy, or you thought you had a good friendship going but for some reason your new pals seem to be pulling away.

Finding new friends is hard, but worth it. You’ll meet people who don’t have room in their life for a new friend. It’s not that they don’t think friendship isn’t important or that they don’t like you. It’s probably that you just haven’t met the right people yet.

To combat this, continue meeting new friends. Make the effort to interact with people and eventually you’ll see friendships form.

Lie #2: You Don’t Need Friends

Some folks try and tough it out, thinking that friendships are just too much work and you don’t need them anyways. Not so.

Friends are as necessary for your life and wellbeing as eating right and exercising are.

They keep you healthy, give you support, and help you grow emotionally. Even introverts, who need quiet time for reflection to recharge their batteries, need friends. Their friendships might be different than extroverts or ambiverts, but everyone needs people. The best part is having friends is within your power.

Lie #3: I’ll Always Be Lonely

Loneliness is an isolating state of being that can bring you down. If you’re feeling lonely now, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Most people do feel lonely at some point in their lives. But you can change it. It doesn’t happen overnight and it is hard work (like anything in life) but moving out of loneliness is something you can work on.

First, banish this lie. It’s not true. Next, working on meeting new people. The best way to start is by changing your routine and doing a few more activities, like volunteering or taking a class.

Lie #4: You’re Not (Good, Funny, Special) Enough to Make Friends

You can fill in the blank with a variety of terms for this lie. You’re not…what? What is it you think you’re lacking that prevents you from making friends? Now that you’ve identified it, toss this lie in your mental trash can. It’s not anywhere close to being true.

We’re all flawed and yet all of us have the capability to make friends. People who are not particularly funny, who are grumpy all the time, or who live a relatively low-key life all have friends. You don’t need to become more special, you’re already there.

Lie #5: You’re Not Outgoing Enough to Meet People

Doesn’t it seem as if the extroverts of the world have more friends than you do? But the reality is, extroverts get lonely just like introverts. Everyone can experience a time with no friends, and being outgoing doesn’t cure you from being shy or unable to make friends.

Being an outgoing person means you get energy from being with others, and while this can be a helpful trait it doesn’t mean that if you’re introverted you can’t make friends. In fact, introverts often have very deep and meaningful friendships.

Lie #6: I Can’t Make Friends Right Now Because No One Else (Is As Busy, Has Kids, Lives a Life) Like I Do

Maybe you think the time is not right for making friends because of your life circumstances. While it’s true you might not have as much time as you once did for whatever reason, living a busy life doesn’t mean you can’t make friends. It means you will have to make adjustments in your schedule for friends.

This isn’t easy and will take effort on your part, but you can make it happen. Plenty of busy people have friends. My friendship boot camp offers weekly tips on how to get face time with friends your schedule is packed.

Lie #7: I Have Bad Luck When It Comes to Friends

Friendship isn’t a matter of luck. Some people feel friendships should be formed randomly on their own. You magically meet new people (perhaps like you once did as a kid) and they just come together without you making an effort. This is false.

You have to put some work into meeting new people, making small talk, and getting to know someone before a friendship can be formed. All of it is work. But it’s work worth doing! (No luck needed.)

Lie #8: I’m Always on the Outside

You can take comfort in the fact that many people feel this way, so you know that you’re not alone. But don’t get stuck on this lie. Instead, don’t assume how people feel about you. Their actions don’t always say what they’re thinking or feeling. The person who is quiet around you may feel like they’re the ones on the outside and trying to fit in. The person who seems to ignore you might feel like you’re a part of the group and they don’t need to go out of their way to assure you of that.

So many of us feel this way sometimes, that we’re always on the fringe of something. We’re not in on the jokes, we’re not really welcome in a group of friends, and we’re always somehow on the outside looking in. But the reality is, this is our perception, not fact, and not reality.

Lie #9: People Who Tell You to Keep Positive Have Never Experienced My Hurts

There are people who will never know or understand what you’re going through, and others who have had a life of misery that you’d never guess. The thing is, you can’t always tell these people apart unless you know them really well. So when someone tells you to stay positive, take it for face value that they just want you to keep going so you can find happiness.

Lie #10: Having No Friends Is Just My Lot in Life

Feeling lonely can warp your view of life, making it seem as if you’re stuck by yourself forever. But no one is resigned to a life without friends. You are either continually meeting people and trying to improve your relationships or you’ve given up. If you’re continuing to try, eventually your efforts will pay off. But having no friends is definitely not something you need to get used to.

When you’re not making friends, change the way you’re approaching things. Try a few new activities. Go online. Just getting out and interacting with people will get you used to making conversation and all of these small steps will help you reach your goal of more friends.