How to Heal a Marriage After You've Cheated
- 1). Face the facts. One of the most important steps to overcoming infidelity is to be honest about what happened, for both the cheater and the victim. Denial won’t help to move a marriage forward.
- 2). Set a time limit when discussing the affair. While the victim of infidelity will most likely want to know every detail of the affair, it’s not healthy or beneficial to ruminate on the subject for too long. End conversations after half an hour, and remember that the subject can always be revisited the following day.
- 3). Discuss future relationship goals. A marriage will only survive if both people are on the same page. Spouses must be equally committed to rebuilding trust and staying together.
- 4). Allow as much time as needed to heal. Both the cheater and the victim need ample healing time that can’t be rushed. The person who cheated must remain patient and understanding and the victim must understand that she won’t feel better overnight.
- 5). Gather a support group. Choose people who can be trusted and relied on to offer kind, loving support. However, stay away from people who will be cynical, critical and judgmental, which will only add to stress.
- 6). Ignore (most of) the advice of others. While close friends and family members may feel that they know exactly how to handle this situation, it’s important to remember that every person deals with infidelity and grief differently. While most people experience similar emotions -- anger, sadness, fear and remorse -- an individual’s experience with these emotions is extremely personal and unique.
- 7). Make an appointment with a professional marriage counselor. Even the strongest couples have difficulty overcoming infidelity without outside help. Licensed marital counselors are trained to coach couples who have experienced infidelity to put things in perspective, rebuild trust, recreate a strong relationship and ultimately stay together.
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