Avoiding Divorce - How To Mend A Marriage
Most couples would readily agree they face enough challenges in life today without having to face the additional challenge of a divorce. Just about everyone would happily put a little effort into finding a cure for whatever ailment their marriage is suffering before deciding to take the final step. Spend a bit of time to work out how to mend your marriage -- it will be worth it!
Were your wedding vows just empty words? You made a commitment to stay with your spouse for the rest of your life. Once upon a time, something made you make that promise so what has changed to make you want to break it? All couples will go through difficult times in their marriage but most of these can be overcome with just a bit of work.
First off, you need to figure out exactly what is going wrong. If you and your partner can discuss these subjects together without causing friction then together is the best way to do it. Sit down and talk through what you each see as the factors contributing to the downturn in your relationship. Write down the factors you come up with then use these to dig a bit deeper.
For example, a common cause for stress in a marriage is a drop in the sexual side of the relationship. Now you have to look for the underlying reasons for the loss of appetite. Do you have time alone together? Has the romance dried up? Has there been an affair? Have other sources of stress, finance for example, been weighing you down? Is there a health problem? Hormone imbalance? How are you going to get to the core of any problem if you don't know why it exists in the first place?
Do you forgive each other for past mistakes or do you bring them up at any opportunity to prove a point? Forgiveness is a necessary attribute to any relationship. Pulling old transgressions back to the surface is only going to rub salt in old wounds. Apologise for transgressions, forgive, learn from them and put them behind you. Each hurdle you cross will make the next one a little easier as you learn more about each other. Remember also that forgiving does not mean you accept the transgression -- you certainly do not expect the same thing to keep on happening.
Are you expecting too much of your partner? Are you trying to convert them into a copy of yourself? Couples will often try to push their spouse to be more like themselves and frown upon anything which deviates from that line. That's not how things work! Sure some things will be common to both of you but there are parts of your personality which are just YOU and these are what help to keep a marriage fresh and exciting. Life would become pretty boring if both partners were exactly the same -- same likes, same dislikes, same taste in music and food, and so on. Enjoy the things you have in common and accept the things you don't.
Above all, maintain your composure and respect for your partner while you talk through any issues you find. Being able to get to the root of a problem together will make a solution so much easier to find. Don't leave issues undiscussed, they won't disappear and will likely become worse with time if they are not addressed. Work together and there is a great chance you will be able to not only avoid divorce but turn your marriage back in time and put some of your old enthusiasm back in.
Were your wedding vows just empty words? You made a commitment to stay with your spouse for the rest of your life. Once upon a time, something made you make that promise so what has changed to make you want to break it? All couples will go through difficult times in their marriage but most of these can be overcome with just a bit of work.
First off, you need to figure out exactly what is going wrong. If you and your partner can discuss these subjects together without causing friction then together is the best way to do it. Sit down and talk through what you each see as the factors contributing to the downturn in your relationship. Write down the factors you come up with then use these to dig a bit deeper.
For example, a common cause for stress in a marriage is a drop in the sexual side of the relationship. Now you have to look for the underlying reasons for the loss of appetite. Do you have time alone together? Has the romance dried up? Has there been an affair? Have other sources of stress, finance for example, been weighing you down? Is there a health problem? Hormone imbalance? How are you going to get to the core of any problem if you don't know why it exists in the first place?
Do you forgive each other for past mistakes or do you bring them up at any opportunity to prove a point? Forgiveness is a necessary attribute to any relationship. Pulling old transgressions back to the surface is only going to rub salt in old wounds. Apologise for transgressions, forgive, learn from them and put them behind you. Each hurdle you cross will make the next one a little easier as you learn more about each other. Remember also that forgiving does not mean you accept the transgression -- you certainly do not expect the same thing to keep on happening.
Are you expecting too much of your partner? Are you trying to convert them into a copy of yourself? Couples will often try to push their spouse to be more like themselves and frown upon anything which deviates from that line. That's not how things work! Sure some things will be common to both of you but there are parts of your personality which are just YOU and these are what help to keep a marriage fresh and exciting. Life would become pretty boring if both partners were exactly the same -- same likes, same dislikes, same taste in music and food, and so on. Enjoy the things you have in common and accept the things you don't.
Above all, maintain your composure and respect for your partner while you talk through any issues you find. Being able to get to the root of a problem together will make a solution so much easier to find. Don't leave issues undiscussed, they won't disappear and will likely become worse with time if they are not addressed. Work together and there is a great chance you will be able to not only avoid divorce but turn your marriage back in time and put some of your old enthusiasm back in.
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