One of the few pluses about breaking up with your boyfriend or husband is that it gives you a little time to think.
Thinking calmly is, I guess, about the last thing you feel like doing.
You are probably depressed, heart broken and either unable to function at all or running around like a headless chicken.
It is easy for me to say 'calm down and take stock' but it is vital that you do just that.
Before you start endlessly 'phoning,texting and emailing him, ask yourself the most important question of all 'do I really want him back !' You may feel that he is the love of your life and cannot be replaced.
If he is basically a decent guy then making the effort to get your ex back may well be worth the effort.
But a word of warning.
There are a number of things that may have led to the breakup that you must think long and hard about.
Was he a drunk, a womanizer, an addictive gambler, violent towards you or your kids or unwilling to do a hard days work? If you can answer yes to any of these then taking him back may well be a bad idea.
The world is full of men who will turn up with a bunch of flowers, vowing 'it will never happen again - if you just take me back - promise !' The problems I have described are serious character faults that will put a terrible strain on any relationship.
Your response, if he wants to return and you want him back should be to exercise caution.
May I suggest something along the lines of  'O.
K.
I'm possibly willing to give it another go but only if you agree to get help at A.
A.
, gamblers anonymous, take an anger management course etc' Putting on those rose tinted spectacles and just hoping he will somehow miraculously change isn't a good plan.
If children are involved you might think it worth another go just for their sakes.
Not an unusual reaction but think about it, do you want your children to witness more violence, more drunkeness, more misery ? Statistics show that children brought up in miserable conditions have a much greater chance  of being unable to establish good relationships themselves.
You might, unintentionally, be ensuring the future unhappiness of your children and their children.
Even if children are not involved you deserve your chance of happiness, hanging onto your boyfriend/husband at any cost is not the way.
He may sincerely want to change, I have known men who were violent or alcoholics or hopeless gamblers who turned their lives around completely but in every case they did it with professional help.
If he agrees to seek support, help him every step of the way, find out where he can get professional guidance, go to the meetings with him and praise him when there is a sign of change.
With a smile on your face say something like 'I just can't get over how much you have changed, it's wonderful, it must have taken some guts !' Get your ex back by all means but make sure that you're not just signing up for a repeat performance of the old behavior that drove you apart in the first place.
Take a deep breath, reflect on the past and consider this.
You loved him unconditionally, if he felt the same about you would he have treated you the way he did ? His problem may have warped a decent guy and you may be able to help straighten him out but remember no one ever achieved happiness by being a victim.