Cooperative Divorce - Four Ways to Avoid a Messy Divorce
As an experienced family law attorney, I have seen some very messy divorces and I have seen some "healthy" divorces.
I define a healthy divorce in which the parties continue to have a relationship, albeit a different relationship, while they pursue their separate lives.
Child development specialists are unanimous that if there is a divorce, a healthy divorce is the best way to go for the sake of the children.
We all know someone who has had a messy divorce and there are plenty of news stories regarding other peoples divorces.
Healthy divorces are rarely the focus of news reports.
Yet they truly do exist and are worth pursuing instead of the alternative.
How can you avoid a messy divorce? 1.
Consider the consequences of a messy divorce Have a conversation with your soon-to-be ex regarding your goal of avoiding a messy divorce and agree to a plan to avoid it.
The major downsides to hotly contested divorce are: -a major financial expenditure -all information becomes public -very time consuming -emotional toll on both parties -emotional damage to the children -damage to career and business 2.
Focus on the issues most important to you My favorite analogy is that of dividing an orange.
A couple fought over an orange and asked the assistance of a wise person.
The wise person divided the orange in half.
Easy answer - both sides should be happy, right? No, both sides were unhappy.
One person really wanted the juice and one really wanted the peel for making potpourri.
Therefore each had lost when it would have been possible for both to win.
Look at each important issue and determine what your greatest interest is.
Can both of your needs be met in some way? Is there room for trade offs? If you are determined to fight every detail down to the pots and pans, you are not going to be able to have a healthy divorce.
Focus on those issues most important to you.
For some, this is the parenting plan and how much time each spends with the children.
Money can be a big issue but often there can be satisfactory alternatives that can meet each party's needs.
Get it down to the issues important to you and leave enough room for both parties to survive after the divorce.
Often couples find that both of their needs can be met once they are able to determine what is most important.
3.
Consider the best revenge You are hurt and the other party is clearly wrong.
Even if this is completely true it does not help solve the problem.
Washington is a "no fault divorce" state.
Judges are not interested in who did what to whom.
One does not get more money or a better deal because the other person was "bad".
Divorce court is not the place to exact your revenge.
Your revenge is living well.
A healthy divorce gives you a head start toward that goal.
You do not have to spend time in recovery from a messy divorce and, since the process is usually shorter, you get started on your new life even sooner.
4.
Explore healthy divorce alternatives There are many professional advocates to healthy divorce.
Cooperative divorce, mediated divorce, and collaborative law are rapidly gaining proponents among lawyers, financial professionals, and mental health professionals.
Search for these professionals in your area that specialize in the healthy divorce alternatives mentioned and use those terms in search engines to find information on the internet.
I define a healthy divorce in which the parties continue to have a relationship, albeit a different relationship, while they pursue their separate lives.
Child development specialists are unanimous that if there is a divorce, a healthy divorce is the best way to go for the sake of the children.
We all know someone who has had a messy divorce and there are plenty of news stories regarding other peoples divorces.
Healthy divorces are rarely the focus of news reports.
Yet they truly do exist and are worth pursuing instead of the alternative.
How can you avoid a messy divorce? 1.
Consider the consequences of a messy divorce Have a conversation with your soon-to-be ex regarding your goal of avoiding a messy divorce and agree to a plan to avoid it.
The major downsides to hotly contested divorce are: -a major financial expenditure -all information becomes public -very time consuming -emotional toll on both parties -emotional damage to the children -damage to career and business 2.
Focus on the issues most important to you My favorite analogy is that of dividing an orange.
A couple fought over an orange and asked the assistance of a wise person.
The wise person divided the orange in half.
Easy answer - both sides should be happy, right? No, both sides were unhappy.
One person really wanted the juice and one really wanted the peel for making potpourri.
Therefore each had lost when it would have been possible for both to win.
Look at each important issue and determine what your greatest interest is.
Can both of your needs be met in some way? Is there room for trade offs? If you are determined to fight every detail down to the pots and pans, you are not going to be able to have a healthy divorce.
Focus on those issues most important to you.
For some, this is the parenting plan and how much time each spends with the children.
Money can be a big issue but often there can be satisfactory alternatives that can meet each party's needs.
Get it down to the issues important to you and leave enough room for both parties to survive after the divorce.
Often couples find that both of their needs can be met once they are able to determine what is most important.
3.
Consider the best revenge You are hurt and the other party is clearly wrong.
Even if this is completely true it does not help solve the problem.
Washington is a "no fault divorce" state.
Judges are not interested in who did what to whom.
One does not get more money or a better deal because the other person was "bad".
Divorce court is not the place to exact your revenge.
Your revenge is living well.
A healthy divorce gives you a head start toward that goal.
You do not have to spend time in recovery from a messy divorce and, since the process is usually shorter, you get started on your new life even sooner.
4.
Explore healthy divorce alternatives There are many professional advocates to healthy divorce.
Cooperative divorce, mediated divorce, and collaborative law are rapidly gaining proponents among lawyers, financial professionals, and mental health professionals.
Search for these professionals in your area that specialize in the healthy divorce alternatives mentioned and use those terms in search engines to find information on the internet.
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