I grew up in a single parent house with my mother and maternal grandparents. I still remember the fateful day when my mom was served divorce papers. I had just come back from school; I was in third grade and had started enjoying the trials and tribulations of school. I found my mother crying and my maternal grandparents looking angry and worried at the same time. Since my dad had a touring job and mom used to work, my maternal grandparents had set up home with us.

I guess I knew at that moment that dad had left mom for good. I think I had known for some time that things between my mom and dad had not been smooth; arguments and even physical fights had been increasing in intensity day by day. The reason, in my opinion, was my dad's job. He was constantly on the move and many times I felt that I did not have a father. He could never attend any of my school functions or even my birthday parties. The last straw came when dad announced his intention of leaving mom and moving in with his girlfriend.

Divorce was just a finality and in my true opinion, it was the best thing that could have happened to everyone concerned. Mom and I had established a rapport with each other. This wavelength extended even to my grandparents and, so for me the divorce did not bring about major changes. It was just another shocking event for me to forget and move on with my life. Yes, we did move to a smaller house in a new neighbourhood. I had to change school and that distressed me a lot. Mom took on a new and more demanding job in a private financial institution. It meant longer working hours but the pay was good. Grandmother did her best to plug all parental holes but I did feel sad many times.

I had always been without the presence of one parent but now through divorce I was slowly losing another to a demanding and financially secure job. But being a girl, I guess, adapting to the new lifestyle was easy. Girls are created by nature to be adjusting and willing to shoulder responsibilities. I had to forego many school activities but I didn't complain. Grandfather started doing a part time job as consultant to contribute to the financial security. But, I missed having both my parents about. Even If dad had been away, I always had contact with him. But now I had no communication with him. It was as if he had disappeared completely from my life. To counteract this feeling of abandonment and hurt, I soon turned inward. I became an introvert preferring the company of books to friends. I turned to a sublimation method of dealing with my anger. I became a loner with a minimal social network. In fact I still experience acute phobia and nervousness when meeting new or old acquaintances. I became academic-oriented and started taking lessons in painting and sculpting to give vent to my frustration.

As time passed, I soon began to have minimal conversation with my mother and even my grandparents. There was no mutual exchange of dialogue in our house. I was so wrapped up in my life that my mother became a stranger to me. Today, I am still described as a loner. I am afraid of life-long commitment; what if the man I marry divorces me? I don't want to be like my mother, worrying about money and the future all the time. I am doing well professionally but socially I am a misfit. I have very few friends; I tend to avoid people. But in my view development is healthy and normal if growing up with the same sex parent as sole custodian. Research indicates that boys more than girls need a male authority figure. Girls, on the other hand, also suffer when they grow up in a single father household. They are denied communication at the emotional level. They also feel they cannot talk about the concerns of puberty.

It is the same with boys. They feel awkward and don't know how to handle sexual changes. Further, mothers often see boys as emotional support systems and expect them to shoulder responsibilities. In the same vein, fathers expect daughters to take care of household duties. Children need both parents for healthy development. One parent is not fit to provide the cognitive, emotional and social refuge demanded by growing children. It may seem that a child is growing up normally in a single-parent household. But usually the adverse effects of growing up in single-parent households are felt in later childhood or adulthood.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com