What to Do When You Are REALLY Angry
There are some days I just get so angry at my husband, and that he gets really angry with me.
It's been two years since our divorce and one would think that we would both have moved on but for some reason we just know how to get each other really angry.
I know that neither one of us wants to upset the other person...
really, there is nothing good that can come of it.
But still the anger persists.
Sometimes disabilitatingly so.
So, my clients ask me, when do you stop feeling that anger? When do the actions of your ex cease to affect you? I always say "Give it time.
It will get easier every day, every month, every year.
" And I truly believe that it does.
But there are times when it just gets to be too much.
That THING that your ex does, that thing that might have been a huge issue in your marriage, that thing just happens and you are back where you were months or years earlier, pissed.
Really pissed.
So how do you deal with that? One thing to keep in mind is that the only person you can control is yourself.
Yelling at your ex is not going to make him feel bad or make him change his behavior.
And doing so in front of the children is just going to make them feel confused.
So, what I recommend is the following: 1.
Thank your lucky stars that you are no longer married to this person who can make you so angry.
2.
Recognize that at this moment you might be truly tormented but that by tomorrow or the next day this will be passed and you will still be standing, intact.
3.
Write your ex an email or a letter, expressing your deepest frustration at the situation.
DO NOT SEND IT! Just file it away or, better yet, read it to a friend, one you can trust.
You can get those words out of your head and into the universe but sharing them with your ex will only bring about another fruitless argument.
4.
Watch some TV, read a book or call a friend.
Something to stop those negatives tapes from running over and over through your head.
Those tapes will not only make you angrier but could lead to behaviors that might not serve you.
5.
Get some exercise.
Or meditate.
Something that will let you blow off some steam, productively.
So here I am, having written this post on the coach in front of the fire with my dog snoring by my side.
I am feeling calmer.
I have a little more perspective and know that with some time and patience this too shall pass.
The next time my ex really upsets me I will take my own advice.
Remember, happiness is the best revenge.
It's been two years since our divorce and one would think that we would both have moved on but for some reason we just know how to get each other really angry.
I know that neither one of us wants to upset the other person...
really, there is nothing good that can come of it.
But still the anger persists.
Sometimes disabilitatingly so.
So, my clients ask me, when do you stop feeling that anger? When do the actions of your ex cease to affect you? I always say "Give it time.
It will get easier every day, every month, every year.
" And I truly believe that it does.
But there are times when it just gets to be too much.
That THING that your ex does, that thing that might have been a huge issue in your marriage, that thing just happens and you are back where you were months or years earlier, pissed.
Really pissed.
So how do you deal with that? One thing to keep in mind is that the only person you can control is yourself.
Yelling at your ex is not going to make him feel bad or make him change his behavior.
And doing so in front of the children is just going to make them feel confused.
So, what I recommend is the following: 1.
Thank your lucky stars that you are no longer married to this person who can make you so angry.
2.
Recognize that at this moment you might be truly tormented but that by tomorrow or the next day this will be passed and you will still be standing, intact.
3.
Write your ex an email or a letter, expressing your deepest frustration at the situation.
DO NOT SEND IT! Just file it away or, better yet, read it to a friend, one you can trust.
You can get those words out of your head and into the universe but sharing them with your ex will only bring about another fruitless argument.
4.
Watch some TV, read a book or call a friend.
Something to stop those negatives tapes from running over and over through your head.
Those tapes will not only make you angrier but could lead to behaviors that might not serve you.
5.
Get some exercise.
Or meditate.
Something that will let you blow off some steam, productively.
So here I am, having written this post on the coach in front of the fire with my dog snoring by my side.
I am feeling calmer.
I have a little more perspective and know that with some time and patience this too shall pass.
The next time my ex really upsets me I will take my own advice.
Remember, happiness is the best revenge.
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