It's so easy to fall in love, it's so easy to fall in love, its so easy . . . . Love me or leave me, don't let me be lonely, I want your love and I want your love only . . . Why then, are there so many lonely married people around?

Today's songs are more realistic, I think. Less romantic. The truth of the matter is that people don't always experience the same kind of love. Some are in it for the sex, some romance and some to feel they have someone who will stay with them for a while. Today's love songs revel in the sexual, there's hardly any attempt to conceal their meaning. Perhaps that is why so many young people get together because of sexual attraction, or, as many young girls attest, "I just wanted to be a Mum".

Is that because by being a Mum they feel sure that someone will be there to love them when the relationship goes wrong? Perhaps. Maybe they just need someone to need them. Such is the price we pay for independence, the materialism that is every person's right, and the need to survive in an uncertain world, or all three at once. The three prongs of the fork that drives mothers out to work also robs their children of the nurturing and support that leads to the development of confidence, a feeling of being cared for and plain, honest undivided attention. They feel supported from behind and therefore more able to put tendrils out into the world and learn how it works before running headlong towards independence for which they are ill prepared.

Truth be told, we don't pay the price either. It is our children, those sad teenage single parents, who will only too often pay the price. Not at first, not now, but sometime in the future when their dependant child (or children) wants independence of their own, leaving their mother lonely. Once premature middle age or alcohol and drug fired ill health robs them of their ‘comfortable years', they will surely pay the price.

Passionate infatuation gives way, over time, to humdrum, even a dislike of the other party. They build their relationships on clay, without developing firm foundations based on friendship and respect. Instead of the promise of good things to come, many married people complain of feeling alone. These days each person in the marriage expects to enjoy their own career, a share in bringing up the children and equal rights over making decisions. Traditional roles (I am not supporting them or voicing dissent against them) are often shattered in an attempt to find a new way to live together.

There are uncertainties, confused roles, demands and expectations that weren't seen so frequently previously, so it is no wonder that couples struggle somewhat against each other rather than pulling together as a partnership of differing roles. As time goes by, instead of bonding and binding together, each married partner tries to get on with life as best they can, trying to keep each other happy and yet lead their own life too. It is hard to exist under such a strain.

After years of listening to people's problems and offering solutions, certain patterns are appearing. The first struggle seems to be around the first pregnancy, when inexperienced girls have to cope with so much information, so much caring from the medical profession, expectations that husbands or partners will be involved and so much pressure to ‘have a natural birth' that they feel shame and inadequacy at the first signs that things might not pan out the way ‘it should be'. They have so many doubts and fears about a safe and painless birth that they are afraid to express in case they are laughed at or put down with a casual "Just practice breathing and everything will be alright". Nobody tells them that it is bloody well going to hurt, and they are better off getting some help when the urge to push gets too strong. I don't know whether any ever tells first time mothers about post natal depression and how to overcome it, what the solutions are, what to do if you feel damn miserable or apathetic and how to deal with the guilt and anger, but I get to deal with the aftermath. Can't anyone in the medical profession prepare these young women for the reality as well as the romance of childbirth. Motherhood is not all about buying nice things and playing Mum and Dad as people often think today.

And what about the men? Does anyone prepare them for the feelings about wanting to walk away from the responsibility of it, the helplessness they feel inside, the fear that they might accidentally hurt their small baby? How are they prepared for the feeling of being left out, of loosing the attention of, and sex with their partner? Why don't we talk about this in school and prepare our teenage kids for what is to come.

The next danger time comes when the young parents are struggling to make ends meet. He is desperate to build up a career of some kind in order to protect and nurture his family. He puts in extra hours and, with less sleep, feels distinctly weary. When he comes home the kids are playing up and he doesn't get time to unwind before he is thrust into the bosom of his family, nerves awry and jangling. Or, he returns home late, the kids are already tucked up in bed, the wife is ironing or flopped out in front of the tele totally exhausted. What kind of life is this, he wonders, "This is not how it was meant to be".

He thinks that his wife has lost that look he fell for. She no longer has the energy to change and get made up before he comes home from work, and anyhow, she never knows what time he is going to return. She thinks he has become moody, difficult and unresponsive. They both feel lonely and uncared for.

Danger point three comes later, when each have found their own solution to their disappointment. Either they have made separate friends and other interests in order to fill the gap in their relationship, or she has buried herself in her children, mother's mornings and shopping and he buries himself in his work, his mates and ‘going down the pub'. She might be going out to work, rushing home and picking up the kids from minders, cooking dinner or picking up a take-away meal and trying to cram a bit of housework into the evening before slumping exhausted into bed. Either way, it is still far from the promise of a romantic life together and a happy family existence.

It is no wonder that so many married couples drink a lot. But this is no solution to their lonely lives. The glowing happy laughing alcohol infused faces mask the sadness they both feel inside. The alcohol acts as a depressant anyway, doing untold damage to their bodies and robbing them of years off their lives.

I see so much damage, it is difficult for me to stand by and observe without comment. With a bit of education and the patience to learn about the reality of adulthood, young people would be better equipped to deal with the demands of love and marriage and parenthood. Why is it necessary to wait until it is too late to prevent such sadness and pain? Why does the state not put together a programme of life skills to be taught in schools that include how to relate to people, how to deal with life issues and to prepare couples for living together happily and sharing their lives with their families. They need to be given the tools to be able to work through the difficulties that they will face together. They need to feel supported by the state, not live in fear and loneliness, hoping that they will survive, and that their relationship will endure without their partner finding solace in the arms of another, wrecking the family in the process.

The harsh realities of personal relationships should be discussed and support skills provided for all school children. They will end up having happier, more fulfilled lives as a consequence, and being less of a burden on the state too. It is an economical and necessary exercise that could bring benefits all round.