How to Save a Broken Relationship - 3 Essential Actions
"How to save a broken relationship" - that's some question, and if we all knew the answer the world would certainly be a happier place.
So you're absolutely certain your relationship really is broken? Well, don't despair.
Things that are broken can often be repaired.
Here are three things that you absolutely must do as soon as possible after the "breakdown event".
1.
Say you're sorry - even if it's not your fault.
Tensions are high, emotions have boiled over, maybe tears have been shed.
Both of you feel hurt and wronged.
But you've decided (not, perhaps, that you had any doubt about it) that you don't want to lose your other half.
You want them back, badly.
You may well succeed, but there's a price to pay, and an apology is the first installment.
Perhaps the breakup wasn't your fault, and it may even seem most unjust that you are the one apologizing, but you have to do it.
If you're in the wrong, you may already have done this, but there's no harm in doing it again unless it would be unnecessary overkill on this issue.
It helps clear the air ready for your next step.
And if you're not in the wrong then it will underline to your ex how sincere you are in wanting them back (and remember - they may think you are in the wrong even you think you're not).
If you can, apologize in person, verbally.
If this isn't possible then write your ex a letter.
Which brings us to the next thing you have to do.
2.
Write your ex a letter, but don't be too intrusive.
You must give the impression that you've accepted, for the moment, that the two of you are separated.
If you haven't had the opportunity to apologize then do so in the first paragraph.
You don't need to make it long and drawn out.
Just a simple apology and note of regret for anything you may have said or done is best.
And an expression of hope that you can still remain friends.
Then change the focus swiftly to your ex.
Ask if they are getting along all right, and if there's anything you can do to assist.
You may feel that this question will be ignored, and quite possibly it will be, but your ex must feel that you still care about them and want to know they are coping.
In the closing lines, ask if they would be prepared to meet with you for a drink and a chat, even if just to sort out any outstanding matters (though you would use such a meeting to start a process of winning them back).
It's important that this letter should be hand written by you - not printed off a computer or sent by email, text or SMS - so as to show you are sincere and to make it more personal.
It takes more trouble to hand write a letter than to knock it off on a word processor.
It's more personal and hopefully it's more pleasing on the eye.
3.
Carry on with your normal activities as much as possible.
At this vital stage you have to give an impression of strength, not weakness.
Continuing your usual social and work activities helps do that while doing nothing against your ex.
It also helps you take your mind off the breakup.
Your ex will most probably get to hear of your activities from time to time, and the knowledge that you are getting on with your life will probably impress them.
This will give you a strong position from which to approach your ex later with a proposal that you start getting together to work out your differences and hopefully to rekindle your previous relationship.
Accepting that the relationship has broken up (for the moment) and that things are different may be hard, but it is the only way to then start on the road to a reconciliation.
So you're absolutely certain your relationship really is broken? Well, don't despair.
Things that are broken can often be repaired.
Here are three things that you absolutely must do as soon as possible after the "breakdown event".
1.
Say you're sorry - even if it's not your fault.
Tensions are high, emotions have boiled over, maybe tears have been shed.
Both of you feel hurt and wronged.
But you've decided (not, perhaps, that you had any doubt about it) that you don't want to lose your other half.
You want them back, badly.
You may well succeed, but there's a price to pay, and an apology is the first installment.
Perhaps the breakup wasn't your fault, and it may even seem most unjust that you are the one apologizing, but you have to do it.
If you're in the wrong, you may already have done this, but there's no harm in doing it again unless it would be unnecessary overkill on this issue.
It helps clear the air ready for your next step.
And if you're not in the wrong then it will underline to your ex how sincere you are in wanting them back (and remember - they may think you are in the wrong even you think you're not).
If you can, apologize in person, verbally.
If this isn't possible then write your ex a letter.
Which brings us to the next thing you have to do.
2.
Write your ex a letter, but don't be too intrusive.
You must give the impression that you've accepted, for the moment, that the two of you are separated.
If you haven't had the opportunity to apologize then do so in the first paragraph.
You don't need to make it long and drawn out.
Just a simple apology and note of regret for anything you may have said or done is best.
And an expression of hope that you can still remain friends.
Then change the focus swiftly to your ex.
Ask if they are getting along all right, and if there's anything you can do to assist.
You may feel that this question will be ignored, and quite possibly it will be, but your ex must feel that you still care about them and want to know they are coping.
In the closing lines, ask if they would be prepared to meet with you for a drink and a chat, even if just to sort out any outstanding matters (though you would use such a meeting to start a process of winning them back).
It's important that this letter should be hand written by you - not printed off a computer or sent by email, text or SMS - so as to show you are sincere and to make it more personal.
It takes more trouble to hand write a letter than to knock it off on a word processor.
It's more personal and hopefully it's more pleasing on the eye.
3.
Carry on with your normal activities as much as possible.
At this vital stage you have to give an impression of strength, not weakness.
Continuing your usual social and work activities helps do that while doing nothing against your ex.
It also helps you take your mind off the breakup.
Your ex will most probably get to hear of your activities from time to time, and the knowledge that you are getting on with your life will probably impress them.
This will give you a strong position from which to approach your ex later with a proposal that you start getting together to work out your differences and hopefully to rekindle your previous relationship.
Accepting that the relationship has broken up (for the moment) and that things are different may be hard, but it is the only way to then start on the road to a reconciliation.
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